Dead on the Inside
by SlytherinQueen
Summary: For the past three years young Sirius Black has had a crush on his best friends twin sister, Emma Potter. He soon finds out she feels the same way, but what will stop them? This story is about the beginning of the Oder of the Pheonix and SB's love life
1. Chapter 1

Dead on the Inside

Chapter One: Last Year

Sirius

"I can't believe it, our last year at Hogwarts!" I exclaimed as we walked to platform nine and three quarters. James said something in reply but it was muffled by the muffin he was eating. Near by Lily Evans and Remus Lupin where catching up to us.

"James, where's Emmy?" Lily called. James shrugged and continued eating. Remus and I exchanged worried looks. Emma Potter was never late for anything. I bid the Potter's goodbye and thanked them for housing me again this summer. James gave his father his half eaten muffin.

"James, what did you do with you're sister?" His mother asked taking the muffin from her husband and placing it back in her son's hands. He told her he didn't know and started to get on the train when she stopped him.

"Where is Emma?"

"Damn that son of a, oh sorry I'm late everyone, um…I was having…..um problems…." Emma exclaimed running up behind her father. She gave her parents a quick hug then followed me to our compartment. We were greeted warmly by Tonks, Molly, Arthur, Lily and Remus. James was staring fixated at his muffin. Emma rolled her eyes and whispered a spell. The muffin rose out of his hands and into the trash bin out side.

"Hey, I was looking at it!"

"Looking not eating…." Emma replied sitting in between Lily and Remus. I sat down next to my best friend, secretly stealing looks at his older twin. Emma's hair was jet black and it flipped out slightly wild like her brother's hair. Her eyes where a sparkling blue that seemed to smile.

"Do you have a gown for the ball?" Emma was asking Lily. That caught us all by surprise. I spoke for James, who had become mute.

"What ball?" I asked. James was nodding perplexed. Lily sighed and shook her head. Emma rolled her eyes again. She cleared her throat and began.

"The ball that we'll be having after we finish our N.E.W.T.s, remember?"

We nodded pretending like we knew what was going on. James turned to me and began to talk about Quidditch but I wasn't listening.

"I want to be a Healer and work for St. Mungo's. I'll most likely stick to the children's ward…."Emma was telling Lily. I couldn't help but smile when she said that. Emma was always looking out for other people.

"Hey Emmy, what took you so long to get to us?" I questioned out of the blue. James scowled, because I interrupted his talk about being Seeker. She flushed a light red, and looked at the window.

"Lucius…um…Remus can I talk to you before you go and do your prefect rounds?" She went out side of the compartment and closed the firmly. I watched her through the glass as she began to talk. Remus looked troubled. He patted her on the shoulder and told her something. She nodded and hugged him. Then she came back in.

"Did you do anything to him….Lucius I mean…?" James asked. All Emma would say was that she cursed him. I dropped it and began talking with James again. This time we were talking about my flying motorcycle.

"I only got to take it out a little before we left, so when Hogwarts is out I'm getting some air," I told Arthur. He was fascinated with my bike. He wanted me to sell it but I refused.

"Where'd Peter?" Lily asked. Emma made a small noise of disgust and I laughed. We answered at the same time.

"Who cares?"

"Hear hear!!" James called pretending to raise a goblet up. I watched as Emma giggled. It was funny how alike to two twins were. Both where amazing Quidditch players, both loved breaking rules and pulling pranks, and both had the same sense of humor.

"James, we need to get Flich back from the last day of term last year," Emma suddenly piped up. Her brother nodded eagerly. Last year Emma and James changed identities (so there were three Lucius Malfoy's) and tried to tie Mrs. Norris to the Whomping Willow. Professor Sprout ratted them out, because they had recently been caught trying to calm the tree down. Flich then decided to see how long they could last tied to the trunk.

I smiled to myself and whispered "This year will be the best year ever."

(Last at the feast)

"Dumbledore looked worried while he was giving his speech, I hope nothing's wrong," Lily said worriedly. I scoffed as I filled my plate. I began to eat and replied

"'Hat does this 'ave to do 'ith us?"

"Sirius this is important! If something is bothering Dumbledore than that means it has to deal with Hogwarts. It is his home you know, why else would he give up the position of Minister of Magic?" Emma told me curtly. James rolled his eyes and stole the roll on his sister's plate.

"Maybe the house elves forgot about the pudding on the stove and it got burnt."

"So now we don't have pudding for dessert, you know how Dumbledore likes his pudding…." I added. We high fived as Emma as Lily exchanged looks of hate. Just then Nearly Headed Nick floated by and put in his word.

"There are right you now, the Headmaster is very worried about the safety of Hogwarts."

"So they where right…for once in their life..." James commented as Nick went away. Emma banged her hands down on the table in anger and stood up. She bid good night to everyone but James and I and stalked out of the Great Hall.

"Was it something I said?" I asked. Lily threw me a warning look and followed her best friend to the dorms. James snickered and began eating again. I whispered in his ear.

"Man, somebody give those two some chocolate…"


	2. Chapter 2

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Two: Sirius play's Hero

Emma

"Feeling any better Emmy?" James asked when I walked into the Great Hall the next morning. I ignored him and sat down next to Lily and Remus. Across from me Sirius was smirking to himself. He pushed a piece of chocolate to each me and Lily.

"Oh, very funny Sirius……..very funny," I said sarcastically. He beamed as though I told him he was a god or something. After taking a 'bow' he took a huge swig of his pumpkin juice.

"I know, but I shouldn't take all the credit. Young James here provided me with Honeydukes finest chocolate," Sirius stated. James smiled as well. I threw my piece at his forehead. It missed and got him in the glasses instead. Lily munched on her piece as Remus shot me a warning glance. Professor McGonagall came around handing us bright blue sheets of paper. After we looked at our schedules we swapped to compare.

"Looks like you're stuck with me all this year Emmy," Sirius exclaimed with glee as he snatched my paper from me. Lily laughed when Sirius began to make faces. I took the paper back and groaned.

"Oh man, AND double Potions with Slytherin!" As the word left my mouth James was giving Sirius that look. Before I knew it Sirius had a plastic sword and was standing on the table in front of me. He took a deep breath and yelled.

"Don't worry I'll save you!"

"Not if you're in detention for standing on tables you won't Mr. Black," McGonagall replied dully as she walked by. Everyone burst into laughter as Sirius turned a bright red. He sat down and chucked the sword at James. I hid my face.

"My hero…….." I took a second to recover before grabbing my book bag and the sleeve of Sirius's robes. I proceeded to pull him from the Great Hall. The whole way he waved like a beauty pageant queen.

"Elbow elbow, wrist wrist,"

"What _**ARE**_ you doing?"

"I'm Miss America can't you tell?" He said as the doors closed behind us. I think pumpkin juice came out of James's nose. I released him and he fell to the floor with a loud thud. He got up and looped and arm in mine and escorted me to Potions.

"Why, you're both early for once!" Slughorn called as we walked to the dudgeons. I shrugged as if to say who knew? Sirius cleared his throat. I rolled my eyes, here we go.

"Oh you know our abounding love for learning!"

"If you didn't have such a good sense of humor Mr. Black I'd fail you…" Slughorn said laughing. I smiled weakly and pulled him into the class room. As soon as I did I wish I hadn't. There in the front row was none other then Serverus Snape.

"Snivellus…" Sirius hissed. With a sigh I pulled out my wand and pointed it at his chest. His eyes brows shot up into that shaggy mass of hair. He began to say something but I put a finger to his lips.

"I don't want to hear it. All the fights you start upsets Lily and I can't stand to see her upset."

"Yeah but he called her a m-"

"What are you two doing down here? Couldn't take it when I rejected you Emma, so you had to come snog Sirius instead?" Lucius Malfoy asked coldly. I threw my head back and laughed, wand still out and ready to fight. He jests! _He reject me?!_

"You reject me Lucius? Hope you don't mind me asking but can you still pee right?" Sirius let out a loud snicker as I smirked. Lucius turned a bright shade of red. We took our seats and Sirius whispered.

"That's what happened yesterday on the train!! You made it so he couldn't….." He stopped and began to laugh again. The class had filed in and Slughorn was now staring at Sirius. He stopped abruptly and began to write on a piece of paper.

_That is by far one of the best jinx's I have ever heard of. I'm pleasantly surprised._ He wrote. I smiled and dipped my quill into ink and thought. Then I replied.

_Whoa! Pompous Sirius Black gave me a comment!! Careful now or the world will stop spinning! _He rolled his eyes and began to reply when Slughorn cleared his throat. Sirius looked up and I quickly jinxed the page to make it look like doodles. Slughorn grabbed the paper and looked at it.

"It would seem to me that Mr. Black here still thinks he's a hero…" I received the look as the class filled up with laughter. Sirius wouldn't talk to me as we went to Herbology.

"Hey it fits ya know. Now you have a reason to carry around that sword!" I said thinking of a lame excuse. Lily was waiting next to the greenhouses, a smirk on her face. I'm guessing she heard about the nickname as well. Sirius was still pouting. While he acted like a child I told Lily about Lucius.

"Oh that _**CREEP**_! He has some nerve…..what did you do?" Lily asked. Before I could fill her in Sirius went on about what I had said and then he brought up Snivellus. Lily smiled as Sirius went on and on. He just couldn't stay mad at me for long.

"Hey Hero, you fighting with your girlfriend again? What a shame some people just can't hold down a relationship…" Lucius drawled coming up behind me. I whipped about wand drawn before anyone could react. He chuckled lightly and took a daring step toward me. Slowly he reached out and touched my hair. Sirius was scowling, he to had his wand out.

"All though, you're a mudblood lover, so I don't think it's worth my while to waste time on a thing like you…." He whispered. Before he could say anything else Sirius and I both jinxed him. He fell across the lawn landing in a bush. Quickly we hid him and went back to class. Other's had their wands out ready to fight.

"Do you want to end up like him? If you don't I'd put those away and keep your mouths shut!" Sirius demanded. Lily was smirking to herself at our teamwork. Professor Sprout came up just as Lucius climbed from the bushes. I knew we were in for it so I made up a quick plan. No matter what Lucius said it would be my entire fault. He began to accuse, so to shut up I hexed him.

"_Silenco!"_ I hissed. Professor Sprout caught me and sent me to Dumbledore. I smiled to myself as I made my way to his office. At least I kept Sirius out of trouble.

"Nice to see you again Ms. Potter, I think you beat your old record of lunch break first day," Albus Dumbledore told me smiling widely. The Dumbledore family had known the Potter's for years. That's probably why James and I where never in serious trouble every time we came up to 'chat'. Dumbledore asked me to tell him what I did. I explained hastily. Fawkes was eyeing me, making sure I wasn't leaving anything out it seemed.

"I see, and you thought if you were the one caught your partner in crime we'll say, would be spared," He said. I couldn't help but smile. He was good at these things. I nodded but didn't say anything.

"Of course you know he wouldn't be punished because you saved him yet again."

"Oh I know, but if he knew that it would pop that pompous head of his wide open," I replied blatantly joking. Dumbledore chuckled and told me to head to lunch. I assured him I'd be back to visit sometime this week. He told me he was looking forward to it.

"I'm sure I'll be seeing your brother soon as well," He said as I left. I went down to the Great Hall and seated myself in between Lily and Remus. Seated across from me were James and Arthur Weasley.

"Are you in trouble?" James asked plucking the roll I had grabbed from my plate. I hung my head making them think that Dumbledore had cracked down on me. Lily peaked into my curtain of hair.

"Oh are you serious!?!"

"Yeah…he's……..not doing a thing!!" I yelled fooling them. Remus chuckled pleased by my simple tom-foolery. Lily and James laughed, I had fooled them again. As we laughed I noticed someone was missing from our group of marauders.

"Where's Padfoot?"

"After you left he and Lucius got in a fight, and he ended up taking him to the hospital wing. He's taking a shower to get the Lucius off him," Lily and James explained. After they said that Sirius walked in sopping wet.

"Did you fall in the lake?" I asked him. He shook off like a dog, water flying everywhere. I hid behind a book until he sat down. He frowned at me, because I was smirking.

"I hate Moaning Myrtle…."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Remus asked. I took a bite of my Shepard's pie and waited for him to answer. He was still shaking his head off so I waved my wand and dried him off.

"Myrtle's taken to stalking me again…she scared me into the shower…" He explained. Lily and I burst into giggles, despite the dirty looks. As we talked and teased Sirius Arthur was reading the paper. He interrupted us and said.

"It looks like you girls where right…Hogwarts was deemed a new target for a Dark Wizard Voldemort. We're not safe any more.."


	3. Chapter 3

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Three: To Dumbledore's

Sirius

Months flew by and before we knew it, All Hallows Eve had fallen upon us. The night before the feast the gang was gathered by the fire talking about the recent attacks on near by villages. Emma was oddly quiet.

"What's up Em, you're really quiet tonight," Lily asked. Emma stood up, her hands on her hips, the 'this-so-isn't-right' look on her face. We waited for her to reply.

"Do you know how many dark wizards they've made us sit through? We are wizards of age, able to be out in the real world, and they're sheltering us from them!! I'm so sick of it. We should be out there fighting!!" Emma shouted. Remus clapped and stood from his chair. Lily and Tonks did the same. The security had gotten very tight, making it hard to sneak Remus out every full moon. James was sleeping so he didn't hear a word of it. I liked the idea, but who would listen?

"We'll go to Dumbledore," was her solution. After waking James the five of us (Remus was late for his prefect rounds) went up to the headmaster's office. But to our dismay he wasn't there. So we left a note explaining everything. Emma did all the writing.

"Ya think he'll see it?"

"Duh, I tied it to Fawkes, of course he'll see it!" was Emma's curt reply. James and Lily did the quick start-to-hug-each-other but stopped and exchanged high fives instead. I grinned at Emma. Tonks left to go with Remus so it left the four of us. James had a smile on his face, I knew what was coming.

"What now?"

"I'm hungry…" He complained to his twin. She smiled, breaking into the kitchen was easy because the house elves longed to give you food. We didn't get close to the kitchen sadly.

"What are you four doing out so late?"

"Why should you care Snivellus?" James hissed not turning to face him. We stopped in corridor, all facing the greasy haired, scrawny boy. Lily's face was wrapped in a frown. Emma stood by her side, staring at me, watching my behavior.

"_I_ am a perfect!"

"And so am I," Remus snapped coming to our rescue. Snape's face contorted into rage. He looked at Remus's drawn wand like he was going to spit on it. He sneered, ready to draw his wand as well.

"At twelve o'clock?" Snape jeered. Remus turned slightly so I caught his eye. He smirked and I grabbed Emma's hand and bolted. James and Lily split up and went the other way.

"Where do we go?"

"Moaning Myrtle's come 'on!" she whispered pulling me to the hell on earth. I protested but she wouldn't hear it. With a shove I was forced into the corridor. I stopped in front of the door bracing myself in the frame.

"_I can't go in there, it's_ _Moaning Myrtle's!!_" I hissed before she pushed me into the old lavatory. We heard Myrtle sobbing in her toilet. Emma pointed to a stall I shook her head. She rolled her eyes.

"Myrtle, I'm sorry to interrupt you but can you do Sirius a favor?"

"Anything for Sirius…" Myrtle said eagerly, some how not sad anymore. I groaned. Her eyes gleamed as I explained what I needed her to do.

"Wow, it certainly is very small in here," I commented. Emma sighed almost disgusted, blushing madly. We were pushed up against one another in one of the stalls. Myrtle was outside giggling, not making the matter any better.

"Oi Padfoot! You can come out now!" James yelled. I could hear Lily giggling near by. Emma let out a sigh, but we didn't move. We couldn't move.

"If you're snogging my sister…" He began opening the door. I fell out, landing on my back. Emma tumbled out after me, her face centimeters from mine. I could feel her breath as she blushed. I looked up at my best friend grinning.

"I swear James this isn't what it looks like…" I told him as Emma got up, with help from Lily. The girls left the lavatory giggling, leaving me with a pissed of James.

"I don't want to hear it…" he quipped storming away. Myrtle was chortling above me. I groaned and walked out, just barely catching Myrtle's remark.

"If it doesn't work out, I'm single.."


	4. Chapter 4

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Four: Halloween's Fight

Emma

"So…..dish it Emma, we want to hear _everything!_" Molly giggled pestering me about last night. I was staring into my mirror fixing my hair. Of course I could just wave my wand and be done with it, but I was stalling. Slowly I braided my hair meticulously making sure everything was in place. Lily got impatient and waved her wand making the braid finished its self. Now I _had_ to tell them.

"There's nothing to tell," I said spinning on my heel and facing them. They shook their heads, they knew I was hiding something and they were going to goad it out of me. Molly put her hands on her hips and sighed.

"I know that something went on with you and Padfoot last night so just tell us, before we ask him," She threatened. I grabbed my bag, my face flushed red. Before I walked out I looked her in the eye and asked curtly.

"What were you and Arthur doing in the Room of Requirement then?" Molly turned scarlet and let out a little gasp. Lily rolled her eyes and followed me out. She caught me on the staircase waiting for her. I couldn't just storm out on my best friend.

"How long?"

"How long, I don't know what you are talking about," I mumbled gazing down at the moving staircases below me. Lily made that noise when she's not happy I did something and I held up three fingers to indicate how many years. She hugged me and took my hand and we went down to breakfast together, just like old times.

"Good morning ladies, care to join young Remus and I for a small morsel?" Sirius asked politely as we sat down at our table for breakfast. Lily giggled, not being able to resist herself. I smiled weakly and put my head down. It didn't take long before Remus and Lily were shoveling food onto my empty plate and trying to get me to eat. I pushed it away. I felt a tap on my head, so I looked up, a deep scowl on my face.

"Are you okay?" Remus questioned me slowly. I lied and said I was just sleepy and got up from the table. I left and went down to Potions early. As I began to descend to the coldest part of the castle, a soft voice called me name. I turned about to see who it was and saw the headmaster.

"Yes headmaster, would you like to speak with me?"

"I wanted to talk to you about that wonderful note you wrote me last night," He explained thoughtfully stroking his white beard. I walked behind him in his quick stride, to his office. He had me sit and offered me a Honeydukes sweet.

"In this letter you said you want to fight for once, but you don't know how to go about it, is that correct?"

"Yes sir, it is," I replied meekly. He smiled and folded his hands, pressing his fingertips together. He peered at me from behind those half moon glasses of his.

"What do you want to do about it?"

"Well, I want to fight, so what if we made like an army or something?" I asked in reply, thinking this all over in my head. He nodded slightly and thought about it a bit more. Then his eyes lit up like Christmas lights.

"What about an Order?"

"I think it's perfect, sir," I nodded happy with the idea. He snagged a blank piece of parchment from his desk and chastely began to write, my eyes barely keeping up with the feather of the quill. He paused and looked at me, question in his eyes.

"What shall we call this new Order?" I thought about it for a few moments then came up with an answer. He grinned and wrote it down, truly delighted with it all.

"The Order of the Phoenix," He said quite pleased. The way he said it made it seem so powerful. I liked it. He had me tell him the stuff on my mind about the Order, and then made me list people who had interest in it.

"That's all I know for now,"

"Fine, that's just perfect my dear. I'll take care of the rest, don't you worry," He gazed at the clock then laughed. "Well look at the time, it's best we get to lunch before they start without us!" He exclaimed. He let me lead the way to the Great Hall where I joined my friends. Sirius was pouting when I got there.

"You should have told me you were planning on skipping potions, and then we could have done some mega pranking," He whined to me. I quickly explained I was working with Dumbledore on the Order stuff. That got a soft 'oh' and then a look of confusion from him. Remus leaned in all excited. I explained to them everything that was going on. After lunch I went to my afternoon classes while Sirius pestered me more and more about the Order. He even began to bug me at dinner, trying to get everything from me.

"I already told you Sirius, I don't know," I said pushing him aside as we entered the hall. I sat next to Remus, who beamed at me, still happy about the order news. As he told me how proud he was Peeves cackled over head. We ignored him. Like every other day, and continued talking. I had received a note from Dumbledore that all members of the Order would have a meeting at the Hog's Head next Hogsmade trip.

As the others talked about the order and our last Halloween feast I was aware of two people missing. I exchanged looks of confusion to Lily who didn't seem to know why I was scared.

"Where'd James and Sirius?" They never miss meals, they'd complain all night about not getting food and it would end in a trip down to the kitchen again. Remus shrugged and continues talking, he wasn't too worried.

"Emma, James is hurt!!!" Sirius yelled to me. I stood up in a rush, knocking over my goblet. Professor McGonagall was half way to us by the time I got to Sirius.

"Where is he Padfoot? Take me to him!" I screamed trying not to cry. McGonagall took my by the shoulders and made Sirius lead us to my brother.


	5. Chapter 5

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Five: Weeping for Prongs

Sirius

Without haste I led them to the fifth floor, where James lie wounded. He was lying on his side, a small pool of blood collecting about him. Pain was on his face and his eyes were slightly wet. Emma and Lily ran to him as soon as he was in sight. I watched in slow motion as Emma knelt next to her brother, grasping his hand. For a moment I felt like I didn't belong, but James had this look, I knew I had to give whatever support was needed to Emma.

"Who did this to you James? It wasn't Snape was it?" Emma asked gently. James shook his head feebly. Emma asked again, waiting for an answer.

"Did Lucius do this to you?" a small nod. Remus had been sent to get Madame Popfery, and had now returned with her. She cleared us out of the way to get to James. Emma leaned in and whispered something to her brother, but I didn't need to hear it to know what was said.

"Sirius would you go send an owl to Mr. and Mrs. Potter, I should think they would like to know about their son."

"Wait Professor, please let me do it. They'd rather hear it from me," Emma begged McGonagall. She nodded and Emma dashed off to the Owlery to send the horrible news. I watched her go with longing. Remus and Lily followed Madame Popfery to the hospital wing where James had been taken. I came after them, taking my time to broad over my thoughts. I knew he wouldn't talk to me because he was still mad about yesterday.

"James, just listen to him, he's sorry alright?" Lily was trying to reason with him when I came in. Remus was pacing back and forth, and I wondered what was on his mind. He seemed to know that I was going to ask because as soon as I approached him he began to explain.

"Lucius had to have had a reason for attacking James. I suggest we all be on our guard, we don't know who he'll go after next." James had fallen asleep. I guessed Madame Popfery drugged him up well to knock him out that fast. Emma came in and went straight to his bedside.

"How is he?" Lily only smiled faintly. He was better, but it wasn't prefect condition. Remus pulled her aside and told her what he told me. She wasn't to pleased with the news. Emma opened her mouth to make a haughty reply but Remus wasn't finished.

"I know what you're thinking, but its okay, we're all going to be on our guard. Plus Em, the Order will give us a bit more protection. Just go get some sleep you need it," He said. She took his word fro it and bid us all good bye. Lily went with her. Remus and I watched over James until we were kicked out of the hospital wing. I bid Remus good night in the common room. I wanted to gather my thoughts a bit more.

"Will he be okay Padfoot?" Emma asked coming down from the girl's dorm. She sat across from me, nest to the fire. I nodded, James was strong and he wasn't about to let a simple hex knock him down for a while. She sighed, still troubled.

"I'm worried about you and Remus. He's using Dark Magic and he will get stronger. Nest time one of you two could end up in St. Mango's," Her voice was cracking, on the verge of tears. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know how.

"I have faith Emma, everything will be fine."

"What about Voldemort? I just have this feeling Lucius is on his side, and he could be using James as practice," Worry plaguing her voice. I nodded trying to be serious, but I couldn't stifle a yawn. She told me to go to bed and I made her promise she wouldn't be out here long. I went up to my dorm and changed. Then I snuck back down stairs to see if she had gone to bed. There she was, asleep in the chair. I got my extra blanket and tucked her in.

I found I couldn't sleep, so I got out my old photo album and began looking at photos. The first photos were from our first year at Hogwarts. There were a few from our second and third years mixed in as well. The next few pages were photos from my first summer stay at the Potter's family. Remus had come over and joined us for the day. The four of us were sitting at the table, keeping our selves busy. Emma was playing with the family cat, and Remus, James and I were working on the Marauder's Map. The next set of pictures was their birthday party last year. In the first picture Emma and James were standing together, each had a new Nimbus in hand. Te next picture was of the twins "fighting" over the birthday cake. I watched as Emma was pretending to slice her brother in half with the fake sword James had thrown at me the first day of school this year. With a smile I fell asleep with the book still in my hand.


	6. Chapter 6

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Six: Christmas at Grimmauld Place

Emma

"Emmy darling wake up."

I groan and slowly open my eyes. They feel like my eyelids have been coated in sand. I push the heavy blanket that's wrapped around me on to the floor and stretch out my arms and legs. Then I gaze at my mother and father standing in front of me. Comparing the couple you would have never guessed that James and I were related to them, because they did so much traveling and got way more sun. Standing next to my mother I looked plaid and worn out, she looked like she could fight a vampire at any moment and she was well into her years.

"What time is it?" I questioned noting how empty it was for a Saturday morning. Mum helped me to my feet and guided me to my dorm. I sank down into the bed as she began to pick out my outfit for the day.

"Almost nine, your father and I let you sleep in a little bit. You looked like you needed it. Here look at me, this will make you feel loads better," Mum said casting a simple spell on me. It seemed to do the trick because I no longer felt like I had slept in a lumpy armchair all night. I dressed in the jumper and jeans she handed me then went back down with mum and dad to see James. Sirius was sitting next to James, both of them asleep.

"Who did this to him Emmy?" Dad asked me as I aroused Sirius. He looked like he had been there from at least 6:30 on. I glanced back at my father not sure I should tell him. I did anyway.

"Lucius Malfoy did it," I whispered almost like a death sentence. Father cursed loudly, but was silenced and forced to repent when mum hit him with her bag. Madam Pomfrey bustled out to update my parents on my younger brother's condition. I knelt next to Sirius who was still trying to wake up.

"Thanks for the blanket, you didn't have to do that you know."

"Of course I did Em, the house elves won't do it for me. Besides, I feel that I have to look out for you while James is on medical leave," Sirius replied with a tried smile. I decided to try that spell mum used on me to wake Sirius up just a little bit. At first he wasn't so sure he'd let me, but once I convinced him he realized how great it felt.

"Wow Emmy! You should be a Healer!"

"James should be fine by Monday," Father said rubbing his left cheek bone where mum had struck him. I cleansed the small bruise forming and gave him a kiss. My mum insisted that Sirius escort me to breakfast.

"We'll meet you there; I just want a quick word with Dumbledore."

"Sirius I need to talk to Professor Slughorn…" I said slipping away from him. I wandered down the corridors until I found who I was looking for. Lucius Malfoy. When he saw me he smiled broadly and came to embrace me. I jabbed him in the gut with my wand and got in his face.

"You came back to me, and want a kiss this soon?" He cackled. I began muttering a spell but something stopped me from finishing. That something was Sirius. Using a silencing spell he distracted me, and at least got me to stop saying the spell. But I was bound and determined.

"Emmy he's not worth it, Dumbledore isn't going to go so easy on you if you kill him! Think of your mother and father, what would they say if they knew you were about to kill someone?" Sirius asked me pulling me back and taking my wand. He turned me around and lead me away, giving Lucius an obscene gesture as we walked away.

"Now I know you want your wand and your voice as well but let me say what is on my mind. I recognize that your intensions were good but giving that prig attention is what he wants from you. It's best just to blow it off and rip his reputation up later. How about we get some breakfast and I give you what you want. You just have to promise that you'll try to not let him get to you," Sirius said to me. I nodded and he gave me my wand and removed the spell. We went and got breakfast and waited for my parents.

"I'm glad you stopped me, I fear that I really _would_ have killed him, not that I would miss him or anything that just doesn't look good on a nursing transcript…" I blathered on and Sirius laughed. Mum and Dad found us watching the snow outside of the Great Hall, munching on toast. They were talking quietly about something. Mum didn't look happy.

"What is it?"

"Your Uncle Tony, who is doing secret Ministry work in Japan was just killed, so we have to go to the funeral. We'll have to leave tomorrow, and we wanted to have you guys home for Christmas, but now we'll be in Japan. I don't want to leave you and your brother here at Hogwarts for your last year…" Mother said. I began to tell her it would be okay but she protested and rambled on and on. I turned to Sirius but he was deep in thought. I got the notion it was best not to bug him, he rarely thinks hard.

"Mrs. Potter, James and Emma could stay with me and my brother over the Christmas break. Though 'dear old mum' is gone I am of age, and the house is to empty."

"What a great idea, that will be fabulous!" Mum gushed. I stared out the window again and smiled. Mum tapped my shoulder and asked me what I thought of the idea.

"Christmas as Grimmauld Place."


	7. Chapter 7

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Seven: Letters of Love

Sirius

We stood in a line waving to Lily, Remus, Tonks, Molly and Arthur on Platform Nine and 3/4. I teased Emma reminding her of the beginning of the school year, and waved like a princess. Emma ignored me and called out her goodbyes.

"Bye Everyone, I'll make sure to send Munches around with your gifts!" I grabbed her hand mid-wave and then promptly apperated to the front door of Grimmauld Place. James followed behind us with his stuff, and the stuff Emma didn't get a chance to grab. As we entered the house I let out an aggravated sigh. This house caused a lot of memories I really wanted to bury. I could hear my brother talking to Kreacher in the kitchen as we walked by.

"Emmy you can have the guest room, and James you get the Drawing room. When you're done putting up your stuff I think a snack is ready in the kitchen," I told the siblings. We parted ways to unpack. I went up to my room so that I could think. I began to brood a little when my line of thought was broken by a knock on the door.

"Hey, is it okay if I come in?" Emma called. I got up and let her in and went back to my corner of the bed. With a soft smile on her face Emma gaped at all the photos, muggle and non on my wall. I observed that the motorbikes were the ones with the most interest to her.

"I put all these up, just because my mother told me not to."

"What about your dad?"

"He left after my brother was born, I really don't know if he would have cared though," I replied avoiding her searching blue eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed, a little ways a part from me, still gazing about the room. I started intently out the window pretending that watching James talk to his owl was amusing. Emma touched my leg, almost making me jump.

"You seem a little bit down in the dumps, is everything okay?" She asked. I so wished that I could tell her what was really bothering me. I wanted to say, '_Em you know how in fairy tales there is always the man that looks out for the girl? Well I want, no, I NEED to be that man that stands by your side and holds your hand.'_ But I didn't. No, instead I lied to her and told her nothing was wrong.

"Well, if there's anything, **anything** at all you need to talk about just let me know okay?" She got up to leave and stopped at the door. With that caring smile still on her face she looked me in the eye.

"You know, James feels really bad about the whole 'Halloween Scare' thing," She began using the code name we founded to talk about Halloween. "I know you two are cool again and everything, but I just want you to know how bad he felt, and how much it meant that you stayed with him. You are his best friend, and he wouldn't trade you for the world." Hearing those words made me feel a lot better. I stood up and started to go over to her when James burst in pushing Emma into the wall.

"Oh, sorry sis! You two have to come see this, both Regulas and Kreacher are stuck in the snow, and I didn't have anything to do with it!" He continued to hold the door open, pinning Emma to the wall. I pushed him playfully and raced him down the stairs. I forgot to make sure Emma was okay, but she didn't sound hurt. I heard her as she followed us down to the front door, but stopped when she kicked over the troll leg umbrella stand. Cursing she turned it over and promptly marched out side. James and I had fallen to the snow with laughter but Emma was always thinking.

"Would you two boobs get out of the snow and help me get Kreacher out of the snow. If a muggle sees him…" She said kicking snow at her brother. He rolled in the snow like a dog ignoring him. To show him how it's really done I quickly transformed and began to roll about letting the snow get in my fur. Emma gave me that look and plucked Kreacher from the snow bank. He began to scream in protest, his awful wailing hurting my now super sensitive ears.

"Oh suck up, you'll live!" She yelled opening the door and throwing the elf inside and slamming it in his face. I transformed back and sat in the snow, shocked. James looked like Professor Dumbledore had pranced by naked.

"Whoa who peed in your pumpkin juice?!" James asked flabbergasted. I pressed my jaw back into place and let out a loud laugh. My mood had lightened a lot. Sadly Emma's got heavier.

"I think it was the troll leg, wait, can it pee? Oh oh, maybe somebody didn't take their PMS Potion!" As I said it James chucked a huge snowball at my head. In return I lobbed one back but it hit Emma instead. Sighing she walked away from us. Calling a momentary pause I ran over to her.

"Em I'm sorry, can I make it up to you?"

"Don't worry about it, just go have fun."

"What about a ride on the motorcycle?"

"Can I take a rain check?"

"You sure you're okay?" I asked, Emma never gives up a bike ride. She didn't answer at first. She shook the snow from her hair and then fakes a smile. I could always tell when her smile was fake; she wasn't smiling with her eyes.

"I'll be fine my thoughts are just getting to me that's all." That ending the conversation I went back to kick the living Merlin out of him. We waited until Emma was in the house before we began, just so her wrath was not brought down upon us.

"When I'm done with you, they'll be no more wizard left!"

"Man, miss anti-social missed out on the biggest snowball war since the dawn of snowball wars!" James called up the stairs as loud as he could. Normally Emma jumped right in when we had snowball wars, but today her heart wasn't in it. James wiped a huge patch of snow off his shoulder and forced it into my face. Laughing I shook off my wet hair at him.

"Yeah Emmy you missed it I kicked your brother's sad pathetic little…" I got cut off when James lurched up the stairs. The troll leg was up turned again. I laughed and grabbed an umbrella waving it in his face. Darting up the stairs I threw the umbrella back into the stand. Then I went to check on Emma.

"Hey Emmy? Em, come out come out where ever you are…?" I whispered nudging the door of the guest room open. On the bed was Emma, sleeping soundly. On her chest was _Hogwarts A History_. I picked up the book to put it away and a letter fell out. Munches ruffled his feathers, almost telling me not to read it.

"What do you care?" I asked him. He turned his back on me and let me read in peace. The letter was from Remus, who the twins had known since they were four. That didn't surprise me, what did was what the letter was about.

_Dear Em, _

_You shouldn't worry too much, everything will be alright. With Dumbledore taking care of the Order James, Sirius and I are perfectly safe. It would be foolish for Lucius to make a new move. If you're worried about the other thing we talked about, don't be. I know that the reaction you will get is far from what you think it will be. You don't have to have a crystal ball to tell that he feels the same way. Go ahead and ask. _

_I believe in you,_

_Remy (Moony) _

I noticed that the letter was faded and old. The date at the top was from this last summer. I put the letter down and gazed attentively at Emma. She looked so angelic as she slept. I tucked her in, trying not to drip freezing water on her, and watched for a bit as she slept.

"Who is that you have feelings for? Not that it's my business, I just want to know…" I mumbled out loud. I smiled to myself and kissed her forehead. Before I walked out I said.

"No, I don't want to know, I need to know." 


	8. Chapter 8

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Eight: Christmas Fight

Emma

"Wake up you bum, no one gets to sleep in on Christmas!" James yelled beating me over the head with a feather pillow. I let out a shriek and jumped from bed, chasing after him. He ran down into the Drawing room where the tree and gifts had been set up. I followed behind him, pulling on a tight sweatshirt. Sirius and James had already sorted out the gifts for us, and were waiting on me.

"About time!" Sirius joked when I entered the room. I threw a snowball ornament from the tree at his head. It missed and shattered turning into water on the wall behind him. He laughed and threw one back nailing me in the hip. I went to throw one more at him when James jumped in the way and I got him in the face.

"Alright, it's time to open gifts!! You had better have gotten my something good Emmy 'cause I'm opening yours first!" James declared wiping the water from his eyes. He sat down at his pile in between me and Sirius. He began to tear at the gold paper covering his box.

"It's an empty box…."

"That's what you think; stick your hand inside it." I instruct him. He does as he's told, but he still hasn't found any results. He pulls his hand out and pouts. I tell him one more time to reach inside the box. He does and pulls out a smaller box wrapped in red paper.

"Whoa, how'd you do that?!"

"It's like your invisibility cloak, but you have to think that there is nothing in the box to get what ever is inside. Now open the little box," I say smiling. My twin greedily opens the little box and pulls out the tiny golden snitch. He laughs.

"How'd did you ever get this?"

"That's my little secret, so I can't tell. Do you like it?"

"Do I ever! Open the one I gave you," He demands. I open the peacock colored box and in shock. Sirius is laughing so hard egg nog comes out his nose. I pull out a huge doxy egg in disgust. James smiles sheepishly and hands me my really gift, a pair of dragon hide keepers gloves.

"Padfoot's turn to open something," James says, still giggling. Sirius picks up the dark blue package from me. Slowly he undoes the ribbon and gingerly takes out a small motorcycle figurine. He holds it in his palm as it revs up and flies out of his hand. He smiles broadly and thanks me.

"Okay so let's see, I got all my gifts: the collecting box, the snitch, a bag of dungbombs and a thing of stinkpellets, a book of the best practical jokes and a silver pocket knife. Oh and dragon scale book bag, which will become my joke bag," James said tallying up his gifts. Sirius and was doing the same thing. He had gotten the motorcycle from me, a silver pocket knife like James', two bike helmets, stinkpellets, dungbombs, frog spawn soap, a new wizard's chess set, and a dragon scale necklace, plus a dog collar. I had just started counting mine. So far I had gotten _The Most Potent Potions, Advanced Healing, _and _Deadly Jinxes_, a Japanese robe of moonlight (which allowed the wearer to become as beautiful as the moon, and as light as a feather), the keepers gloves, a small silver flask for carrying potions and a bag of stinkpellets.

"You've still got one present left Em," Sirius said pulling a small brightly wrapped package out. I took it and pulled the bright ribbon off, letting the box fall open in my lap. Inside the box was breath taking. Set in silver was a delicate gem, the shimmered all sorts of colors.

"It's a polished dragon scale. It's said to bring protection, and it's very beautiful," Sirius said. I said throwing myself at him. He blushed crimson and pushed me off as James declared a snow ball fight. I put the necklace on and let the boys go enjoy their snow. Quickly I picked up and changed into some clothes. As I was walking down the hallway I heard a sob. I knew none of the boys were in the house, and Mrs. Black's portrait had been very quite for the past few days. The only person left was Regulas. I went to his door and saw that it was ajar. Through the crack I could see the Regulas was hurt.

"Oh my god, let me help you clean that up," I said pushing open the door. He spun around ready to fight me but he had two disadvantages: he was weak, and he wasn't allowed to use magic outside of school. He realized it and tried to run but I was in his path. I wrestled him to the ground pinning him, with me on top. There I could get a little better look at his wound.

"What are you do-oh….." Sirius said walking in. I mentally kicked myself. It looked really bad. Regulas was lying on the floor, shirtless, with me on top of him. What else was Sirius suppose to think? He left and went to the bathroom. I figured he was "rebraking" the mirror again.

I left Regulas, but not before fixing his cut, and waiting a bit before talking to Sirius. I wanted him to brood a bit first, but I decided against it. Finally unable to take it I burst into the bathroom. Unfortunately my timing was dreadful.

"Do you mind!?" Sirius yelled, covering himself up with a towel. I shook my head and closed the door. He was going to hear me out if he likes it or not.

"Will you leave so I can get dressed?"

"No, not until you hear what I have to say," I said a smug smile on my face. He really didn't have a choice, so he sat on the edge of the tub and waited for me to begin.

"When you walked in on me and Regulas I was healing a wound that he had on his side. He just wouldn't let me so I had to fight him to do it."

"Yeah sure, I bet you were telling him how much you loved him with a little snog session!" He snapped. I was taken aback. _That's what this is about?_ I couldn't help it a bitter laugh escaped my throat.

"_**How **__**I **__**felt? How I….FELT?!**_ Sirius can't you get it through your thick head?" I paused in the middle of my rant. Sirius frowned. I gazed over my shoulder at the door.

"James William Potter if you don't get back down stairs I swear I will out you into a comma!" I yelled. We listened as the footsteps faded. I turned back to Sirius, blushing. It had just clicked; I was telling him how I felt while he sat in nothing but a towel.

"Sirius, the person I have feelings for is YOU, not your brother. I could give a damn about him!" I whispered close to tears. I could tell this hit home, because he almost fell over backwards into the tub. Before he could say anything I opened the door and stormed out.

"Three long years, and you blew it Em."


	9. Chapter 9

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Nine:

Sirius

I should have stopped Emma, but it took a minute for it to sink in. When everything finally made sense I ran out into the hall and grabbed her wrist, stopping her. She shook loose and tried to keep walking. I grabbed her by the shoulders and made her face me.

"Emmy…."

"What are you going to do about it? Rub it in my face?" 'Emma Potter likes Sirius Black…'" Emma said getting overwhelmed. A small tear fell from her eye as she spoke. I slowly wiped away the next one threatening to fall.

"Don't you know that I could never hate you?" I whispered to her. Emma relaxed a little, realizing that her confession wasn't for naught. She leaned in and hugged me, her face resting on my bare chest. We stayed that way for a bit, just taking in the moment.

"James, I swear you won't be able to have children unless you get your ass downstairs…." She mumbled after a long silence. When James had returned downstairs we parted and told me she would be waiting in the kitchen for me. Smiling the whole time I dressed hastily and ran to the top of the stairs. That's when I heard the yelling.

"Em, he's my _best friend!"_

"Well you know what, Lily's my best friend, but that never stops you from hitting on her!" Emma yelled back slamming something down on the stove top. There was an awkward silence the only noise was Emma, terrorizing the kitchen. James started to say something but Emma cut him off.

"I guess, since you always get what you want, go a head just snog her all you like, see if I care!" Em began, but she wasn't finished yet. "Can't you just be happy for me James? Isn't that what siblings are suppose to do: be happy for each other? All of our lives, you've always, and I mean _always_ gotten what you wanted. I've done some much for you and what do I get in return? Not a damned thing. I'm sick of it!" With one more crash I watched Emma walk by crying. She stopped briefly to give the troll leg a ferocious kick. Then she stomped out of the house, slamming the door as hard as possible behind her. I met James at the bottom of the stairs, not knowing what to say. James hung his head.

"I guess I have been a bit to selfish. I really should have been looking out for Emmy more."

"It's okay we all make mistakes, let's go bring her back so that this Christmas-"I was cut off by a loud scream from outside. James and I exchanged quick looks.

"Emma!" We both yelled, running outside to go 'save the day'. The problem, as always was Lucius, who has Emma by the wrists pulled up close to his face. He laughed as she struggled to pull away, and leaned in, his lips inches from hers.

"Let go of me!" Emma screamed again. Lucius only laughed again, he was enjoying this too much. The sight of it all made me sick. I could see James skin boiling with rage.

"Why would I let you go? You'd just go complain to you brother and Sirius how mean I am to you, and we don't want that now do we?" Lucius cooed licking her ear. Emma sank back, trying to avoid his touch. I hadn't been spotted by wither of them, so I snuck behind Lucius ready for the right moment to pounce.

"Why me?" Emma asked him, looking him dead in the eyes. They weren't as blue as they normally were, and I could tell she had been crying again. Lucius couldn't think of an answer at first, but then that horrible smile of his crept on to his face. He planted a kiss on Emma's lips, and I took my moment to strike. Transforming into my own best friend, as James often put it; I lunged and sank my teeth into Lucius. He screamed in pain and rage as I changed back.

"God you taste nasty…" I mumbled as he fell backwards into the snow. I ordered James to go get a cloth and some hot water. Emma added one more thing to that list and he went inside. I began to circle Lucius, my wand drawn and ready.

"Don't ever touch her again, _do you hear me?"_ I yelled at him. He stopped pacing and threw his head back in laughter. Emma just sat in the snow watching the whole thing. I turned back to her and sent her inside as well. Reluctantly she did as she was told.

"Or you'll do what Black?"

"It'll be the last thing you'll ever do," I replied. Lucius always loved a challenge, and when I said that, I believe he took it that way. What's a fight between wizards over the safety of a girl, right? Emma was the most important thing on my list to protect, and I'd died to save her if I had too.

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a promise." With that I too went into the house to go see how Em was holding up. When I got inside she wasn't talking, instead she slowly bathed her wrists in the now purple water.

"What is that stuff?" James asked as she dipped the cloth into it and wiped her already bruising wrist. She held up a small vile, still not saying a word. I sniffed it and coughed, I knew what this was alright.

"It's a mix of wolf's bane and dragon blood. It's said to heal bruising and major wounds almost instantly," I pulled up a chair in front of Emma and began to wash her arms. They were covered in bruises and cuts, all from Lucius.

"Are you okay?"

"It's a long ways away from my heart, I'll live. I just want to know how long this will go on," Emma replied taking the glass of ice water her brother had retrieved for her. She took a sip then pressed it to her forehead. She sighed, very troubled.

"As long as Voldemort is his master."


	10. Chapter 10

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Ten: Reign of Terror

Emma

Break came and went, and before we could blink we had a new term before us. On rainy Saturday night the group was sitting in the common room talking about the first official Order meeting and of course Christmas break. We also talked about the Year End Ball.

"I hope the ball is like a fairy tale," Molly said sighing. I giggled at her. Out of the lot of us, Molly was the hopeless-romantic. Lily giggled as well making me brother grin.

"Was New Years a fairy tale?" Sirius asked teasingly, pulling me on to his lap causing me to spill a bit of my newly acquired butterbeer on to the carpet. The group burst into giggles again as Molly blushed. James gave Sirius a leery look; he was still a bit weird about the whole dating thing.

"I'm sure that we would all like to know about _your_ New Years Sirius Black!" Remus replied a huge smile across his face. Sirius gave everyone a mischievous look and snagged a sip of my drink. The others once again got lost in conversation, while I got lost in thought. I was staring at my wrists, constant reminders that would remain with me faintly the rest of my life. Then I began recalling the moments before Lucius showed up, when I told Sirius I thought I loved him, while he was clad in only a towel. Feeling him press me against his bare chest, the memory of that small tattoo on his chest as well, it was all so distant now.

"Come back to me space cadet number one," Sirius joked interrupting my thoughts. "You're spacing out on me." I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I faked a smile the best I could and rested my head in the crock of his neck.

"Sorry, I was thinking."

"Wow, you think, really? That amazes me," James said making the group laugh again. I didn't reply, instead I gazed at the fire burning in the fire place near by. James softened up when he thought he hurt my feelings and apologized.

"It's okay, don't worry about it." I said getting off Sirius and handing him my butterbeer. I went to get the cloak from the trunk under James' bed, and Sirius followed, confused by my actions.

"Em are you okay?" He asked me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I sighed, just feeling exhausted from the numerous things controlling my life at the moment. Seventh year at Hogwarts shouldn't have to be this strenuous. He placed his lips on my neck and began to kiss the skin beneath them.

"Yeah, I'm just tried, and confused…"

"Oh a dangerous mix…"

"With all this Order stuff, I'm glad that I didn't try out for Quidditch, because I hardly have time for you let alone homework," I said thinking. I could tell that Sirius was also deep in thought, because he didn't have a witty comment to ease the tension a little. He released me and I got out the cloak and we went back down stairs as the proper couple we should be.

"Tell exactly what has been on your mind," Sirius asked playing therapist. Remus and Lily listened closely, trying to help relieve my stress. I sat down next to my boyfriend clutching the cloak to my chest.

"It's Voldemort that's got me worried. After this year we're all going to be in the real world, and we won't have these castle walls to protect us, or our spouses or children. There are some many things, like will we defeat Voldemort, or will we all die at a young age-"

"All righty then, Miss Macabre, I think that is quite enough out of you, have more butterbeer."

"My point Sirius is that our future depends on the Order," I replied once more leaving my seat. I went to the porthole and pulled the cloak on. Sirius came over and pulled it off.

"I know where you're going, but you can't leave me with out saying goodnight," He pouted. I gave him a hug and a quick kiss and disappeared under the cloak again. I left the common room with the echo of goodbyes at my back. I walked slowly down the hall way, my bare feet noiselessly padding on the cold stone floor. Prefect round were long over, and even Mr. Flich and his cat Mrs. Norris had retired for the evening. I was the only living soul moving about that cold night. Slowing down even more I pushed open the library door and crept into the restricted section. Once in the safety of the closed door I took off the cloak and drew my wand. The pale white light leading my way toward the answers I so desperately needed.

"_Dark Days; Dark Ages, the Times of Merlin, the Eleven Dark Wonders of the Wizards World, the Creation of the Dark Arts, Reign of Terror_, ah here you are!" I mumbled to the musty old books, pulling _Reign of Terror_ off the shelf. I sank to the floor cradling the book in my lap and flipped open to the last chapter. I began to read, looking for what I needed to know.

'Despite the countless lives of wizards and muggles alike the Reign of Terror ended when Grinwauld surrendered to Albus Dumbledore. Albus, who is now the Headmaster at Hogwarts said that he did what he thought was right, to stop the countless slaughter of innocent lives. When asked if he believed we would have an other Reign of Terror Albus replied, "We will always see new Dark Wizards, as long as the Wizarding World is around."'

"Oh how very young and foolish I was, to think that we wouldn't see this coming. In my gain of power I felt I could protect the Wizarding world from any so claimed 'dark wizard.'" Dumbledore said from behind me. I gasped, scared half to death and dropped the heavy book to the floor. It made a muffled thump as it hit the dusty stone. I turned to look at him and he smiled weakly, wrinkles forming around his mouth and eyes.

"Is Grindwald dead sir?"

"No, in fact I went to visit him the other day. We often talk about what went wrong that day. He always said that he just wanted to change the world." The wise old man told me. It struck me then how old he really was. He was just a few years out of Hogwarts when this happened, and He was only a teacher when the Chamber of Secrets opened.

"What about Voldemort? What are his intensions?" I pondered out loud, getting to my feet. Dumbledore shook his head in reply. I sighed. I felt as if I'd never be safe.

"Tom Riddle, or Voldemort if you will, is full of secrets. We might not know his intensions until way late into the game. I suggest you get some sleep, you have a long day ahead of you." He said before he left. I took my time getting back to the common room, going over what Dumbledore said in my head. The common room was empty when I got back, so I went straight to bed. His words still pledge me as I feel into an uneasy sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Eleven: The Order of the Phoenix

Sirius

"Come on Padfoot, we have to go! The Order meets in a little under an hour! _**Wake up!**_" James yelled lobbing pillow after pillow at me. Or maybe it was the same pillow over and over, I don't know and it's not the point. I got up slowly, rubbing my eyes, trying to get them to adjust to the morning light. I shook my hair out and pulled on the first clean thing I saw in my trunk. I trudged down the stairs to the common room.

"You missed breakfast, so I brought you some food," Emma said greeting me with my morning kiss. I ate the toast as we walked out to the gates, and on to Hogsmade. The four of us walked in pairs, me and Emmy and James and Lily. James had recently gotten the balls to ask Lily out, and was surprised to find that she gladly agreed. Once I had downed the flask of pumpkin juice we left from the gates, where we had met up with the others. It was still chilly out, and a light snow sprinkled the lawn. I held Emma's hand in mine to keep at least one of them warm.

Dumbledore was waiting for us at the said meeting place, a grungy old bar called the Hogshead. The downstairs was not very well kept, and I made a mental note to never drink out of the glasses here. The bar tender was as 'well kept' as his bar, and he looked very out of place next to the tall and tidy Albus Dumbledore.

"Upstairs is where we will be having the meeting; it's safer and harder for a Death Eater to eavesdrop on us," He was telling Emma, as we began to climb the rickety staircase. We ended up going up single file, so I stood behind Emma. James was behind me, giving me a confused look.

"What's a Death Eater?" He mouthed. I shrugged. Hell if I knew what it was. Sounded like a person that ate death for breakfast.

"Death Eaters are the followers of Lord Voldemort Mr. Potter. I suggest you keep that in mind, because if this war continues you'll find yourself fighting quite a few," The Headmaster replied. Emma giggled as we came to the top of the staircase, and to a large wooden door. He pushed open the door to reveal a fairly nice section of living quarters. Dumbledore continued even further, to a back room with a large table and a nice view. We all took our seats around the table and waited for others to come in.

"Let's see you have the Potters, Mr. Black, Ms. Evans, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Longbottom…hmm I'm afraid we're missing a few people. Arthur where's Molly and Alice?" Dumbledore asked. Just then the two girls bustled in followed by a loud thumping sound. Dumbledore smiled, his last guest had arrived.

"Moody!" Emma yelled, acting like a child again. She ran to him, almost upsetting chairs as she did, and hugged him. James did the same joining into the hug. It was weird to see Moody give so much affection. Alastor Moody was a sight to see, with his peg leg, but once you got over that, the twins godfather was actually a fairly handsome guy.

"I'm going to assume that you two have already been in to see Albus several times this year…"

"Both have only been in my office twice to deal with punishments. Emma of course has been in my office almost every night for the past few months getting things for the Order ready," Dumbledore chuckled. The twins and their godfather took a seat and the meeting began. Dumbledore opened with a nice speech and then he gave it to Emma to really open the meeting. She stood from her seat, her fingertips resting gently on the rough table top and cleared her throat.

"We are all here today for one reason and one alone. We're here to fight back, and to stop hiding in the shadows. Every one of us here have taken a stance and realized that we have to protect the ones we love, so that they can live a happier life. So that all of us can live a happier life," She sat back down. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it tightly, telling her in a way, how much she meant to me.

"We can meet in my office until you all leave and go into the world as new wizards and witches. Then we'll have to find a new place to meet. For now most of the things we will be doing will be tiny things, to keep our efforts subtle at first. It will be easier to do more things once you get out of school and we get more members in from the ministry," Dumbledore said after Emma finished. He talked about what we would be doing to help, and how it would be best if we got jobs in the ministry. He told he would have some of us out on the field fighting the Death Eaters and others doing more behind the scenes work.

"Now some of these Death Eaters will be your classmates, in fact I'm sure we all know of a few current ones. Ah, ah, no names here, keep it to yourself, I just want you to all be prepared. Now before we call this meeting to an end I want us to take a toast to the Order," Dumbledore said passing around clean shot sups filled with fire whiskey. We raised our glasses high and drank to the Order. I rather liked Fire Whiskey, and the burn it left going down my throat, but Emma made a funny face as hers went down.

"Oh Merlin, I need a butterbeer now, that was just awful tasting!"

"Let's go get some then," James said leading the three of us down to the Three Broomsticks. Peter had caught up with us, and James made him go get our drinks. Lily and Emma were giggling and whispering to each other. Their cheeks were a light red from laughter and the whiskey.

"What's so funny?"

"We were just saying that we had only just found a way of getting rind of him and then he shows up again," Lily joked talking about Peter. Out of the group Peter didn't fit in, and we would joke about it. We changed the subject to Barty Crouch, and how he was a cry baby.

"He's about as bad as Lucius…"

"Yeah, maybe they're related…"

"I related to Barty, you must be jesting. That kid is a mama's boy," Lucius said passing by us. We burst into laughter as he strode out the door. Today was turning out to be pretty great.

"Who's willing to bet me that his boy is going to be a mama's boy?" Emma asked holding out a hand teasingly. James suddenly sat up straight and disappeared to go retrieve something. Lily shook her head amused by his actions.

"I almost forgot Lils, Happy Valentines Day!" He said coming back with a large bouquet of roses. Lily turned redder than the roses in front of her and kissed James, knocking him off his stool. Emma smiled weakly, obviously she had forgotten as well. She got up to leave to go talk to a teacher that walked by, and I slipped a ring box in front of her seat. I put a finger to my lips to signal to the others not to give it away. She returned, seeming satisfied with the answer she received and almost knocked the box off the table. She caught it then gave me a quizzical look.

"Open it, you know how to right? You pull the little bow off then you place your fingers and thumb like so and pop, it opens! Then you look at it and tell the others that's you' like to thank the academy, oh wait wrong thing…" I said joking. Emma did as she was told, even repeating my instructions out loud for the others. Then she gasped, nearly dropping the box for the second time in fives minutes.

Carefully, as though this ring were four hundred years old and might shatter at any moment she took it out of the box to display. IT was a simple, pure onyx ring with the Black family crest embedded in gold in the very center.

"Sirius,…why are you giving me this?"

"Because Emma, it's Valentines Day, and men show their love by giving his girl a very special gift. Can't I get the woman I love a simple gift?" I asked reaching over and cupping her face in my hands. She nodded and let me slip the ring on her finger. I kissed her, mean while flipping her brother off for the faces he was making.

"Sirius, I need your help, tonight…is a full moon….I took my potion, but…I need to get into the Shrieking Shack," Remus said interrupting the tender moment. Emma didn't seem to mind much, because she turned to Lily and they began to giggle and whisper again James and I quickly kissed our girlfriends and promised them we'd return after Remus was safely hidden away.

"Don't get lost," Emma joked winking to me. I winked back and strode out the door after James. We both felt like the luckiest men alive, and who could blame us. Once again everything was going just right.


	12. Chapter 12

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Twelve: Trying to Forget Lucius Malfoy

Emma

Sirius and James disappeared outside leaving Lily and I to talk, just like old times. We began chatting about Arthur and Molly and other couples who are most likely to get married after school. Before we knew it we needed yet an other round of butterbeers.

"I over heard Molly telling Dora that Arthur might have wedding plans already laid out. I think that they'll be at least one child before the wedding," Lily said giggling as we returned to our seats with bottles in hand. I smiled to my self and stared down at my ring gleaming on my hand. Lily giggled again and patted me on the shoulder. I think the excitement of the day and all that sugar in the butterbeers was getting to her head. I got up to take her back to Hogwarts when Arthur and Molly burst in the door.

"Emma, its Sirius, he and Lucius got in a fight, and it's not looking so good!" Arthur yelled causing the whole bar to go quiet. Time seemed to stop for a second as I took in the information thrown at me one hundred miles per hour. I stood up and leapt over a few tables, shaming Olympic athletes, and landed running. I was way ahead of everyone else, moving as fast as my legs would carry me to the Shrieking Shack. I could hear shouting, my heart thumping hard in my chest, blood pumping but I wasn't aware of any of it. The only thing concerning me was getting to Sirius.

"Come on Black, that's not fighting. You can't just lay there in the snow, you have to get up. _**Get up I said! **_**GET UP!**" Lucius shouted, taunting Sirius. I stopped at a nearby tree, my chest heaving. I didn't want Lucius to bring me into this, but I might not have a choice. I watched as Sirius let out a dog like growl and lumbered to his feet. He was bleeding moderately, but he seemed to be holding up okay. James and the others found me and took a hold of me just in case. Lucius saw me and smiled, sending chills down my spine.

"_Sectumsempra!"_ Lucius cried. The others watched in horror as the spell hurled toward Sirius. Before anyone else had time to react I jumped out in front of Sirius and screamed.

"_**Finite Incantatem**_!" The spell fizzed in the air and let out a loud pop as I canceled it out. Lucius only smiled again. Now _I _was in his line of fire, not Sirius. I bit my lip so hard that I tasted blood. I was reliving Christmas all over again. I turned around briefly to make sure Sirius was okay. That's when I made a huge mistake.

"_Incarcerous_," Lucius whispered. Instantly thick ropes jutted out of Lucius' wand and wrapped themselves around my body, causing me to drop my wand. I felt myself being pulled backwards toward him, and then thrown into the snow. Now I was helpless to do anything. Sirius scooped my wand up and threw it to Lily, so that at least this duel would be fair. Lucius lunged at Sirius, but Sirius has him on this one.

"_Impedimenta," _He yelled. Lucius slowed down as though time had stopped for only him and Lily began trying to free me. The spell didn't last long, because soon Lucius was free again. The spells began to fly and once again Sirius was down on the ground.

"Get up you _dog_, you sure aren't fighting hard. Does she not mean that much to you anymore?" He asked walking over to me. He pulled one of my arms free and gazed at the ring that sat there on my finger. Once again that evil smile found its way upon his thin lips. He took the ring off my finger and held it up to the light.

"Get your hands off of that! It doesn't belong to you!"

"Does it bother you Black, that I have your girlfriend and her shiny new ring?" He said toying with Sirius. I began focusing on summing my wand to me, but Lucius was a few steps ahead of me. He spun and slapped me. I blinked in confusion, tears welling up in my eyes and while I regained my focus he silenced with the _silenco_ spell. They boys went at it again, spitting words and spells at each other. Things still weren't looking good for Sirius. Normally he was an excellent dueler, when he set his mind to it. But his concern for my safety was clouding his decisions. Lily managed to slip me my wand and I readied myself. Lily restored my voice as her last act of help then retreated next to James. All I had to do was wait for the right moment.

"_Diffindo," _I whispered, splitting the bounds around me. I gazed at the two, still locked in their duel. I slowly got to my feet, making sure that my movement didn't catch the attention of Lucius. Then I made me move.

"_Avada-"_

"_Expelliarmus!" _Sirius and screamed at the same time, the force of it knocked Lucius from his feet. I caught his wand and stood above him, both wands pointed right at his heart. Sirius joined me. We looked at each other and nodded.

"_**Stupefy**_." I watched as Lucius' eyes rolled into the back of his head. James came over and gave him a swift kick to make sure he was completely out. Lily pried the ring from his hand and started to give it to me. I was already starting to heal most of the wounds inflicted on Sirius. I helped him over to a near by stump and began to examine him.

"Are you okay?" I asked cupping his bleeding face in my hands. The snow was the only evidence of the 'battle', everywhere there was blood staining the white. I tuned the others out and focused on Sirius.

"I thought I was the only one allowed to play hero," Sirius said trying to lighten the mood. I smiled and continued my work. Magically the cuts and bruises vanished from his body. He winced as I touch a tender spot on his chest.

"Well if you would've had your sword I wouldn't have to take you to Madam Pomfrey to heal you the rest of the way," I teasingly reminded him. He chuckled, but stopped when it began to hurt. I cut away some fabric off of my dress and wrapped it around his ribs.

"Em, I think this belongs to you," Lily said handing me the ring back. I took it from her smiling, and placed it back on my finger. Then I helped Sirius to his feet. The four of us all lined up and held hands, walking back to Hogwarts, leaving behind us the fear and pain we faced earlier.


	13. Chapter 13

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Thirteen: Time for Mischief

Sirius

_**Author's Note**_**: Thanks to every one reading, and a huge thanks to ****mysterious victoria**** for her wonderful feedback. I've been cranking these out as fast as I can, and hopefully I'll make it all the way to the end within a few weeks. Thanks again and Happy Reading!**

With in two days Madam Pomfrey had me in good enough shape to leave the hospital wing and go "study". With finals rapidly approaching James and I had some serious catching up to do. As usual Remus and Lily were on top of their game, but I was shocked to find that Emma had also reached her prime in studying.

"When have you even had _time_ to study?" James asked as we set our piles of books down on the common room table. Emma smirked to herself and picked a book up off the top of the stack. Looking it over, she threw it into an empty chair near the porthole. When I questioned her on why she did that she replied.

"You didn't need that book to study; in fact I don't think you need half of these books. You just have to know your main potion ingredients, counterspells, and any mountain troll can fake divination." Satisfied with her answer I parked myself in a prime seat and put my feet on top of one of the stacks. Unlike the O.W.Ls the N.E.W.T.s were based on the career you were going to take in the wizarding world. SO as long as you knew that stuff you were golden.

"What do you guys say to some mischief making? I'm bored out of my mind!" James suggested. I looked at Emma and wagged my eye brows at her, making her giggle. James and I began to list the things we could do.

"If the bike were here we could go on a bike ride, but James would have to fly on his Nimbus besides us..."

"If the bike were here….which it's not so that kinda makes that plan hard…" Emma said shooting my plan down. I shrugged, at least I was trying. James suggested we all just go flying, but Emma said that wasn't mischief, it was just tomfoolery.

"We could get Peeves to help us hand Mrs. Norris in that huge chandelier on the seventh floor again…"

"No we can't do the same thing twice…"

"We could always bomb his office with Dungbombs," I replied chuckling. That was always fun. Emma shook her head. She wanted to go out with a bang. We began listing things once again. Almost everyone she shot down.

"We could mess with his snack food."

"We could set all those Fang Frisbees lose in his room."

"No…we need something beastly amazing as our last prank," Emma thoughtfully replied pulling on a strand of hair. The three of us went deep into thought, racking our brains to find the perfect prank.

"It would be funny if we hid all of the silverware in the Room of Requirement,"

"Yeah, and then had the suits of armor hide them! Then we should enchant the goblets to spill in everyone's lap. They won't know what hit them!" James chirped in. Emma said it wasn't amazing but it was funny. We agreed, we would steal all eating utensils and hide them in the Room of Requirement. Snickering we made our way down to the kitchen to see the house elves. Emma had spun a wondrous lie about how Dumbledore was trying out new enchanted 'forever shine' eating wear. They gave us all the stuff we needed. We told them we would return with the goblets because he didn't know if he was getting rid of them. With our heart light and our pockets heavy with food we went off to the Room of Requirement.

"Ah, the Room of Requirement, I have such fond memories of this place," James said as we walked in. Emma held in a loud snicker and began to cough to cover it up. We hid the utensils in a huge basket and left to return the goblets.

"Just don't forget which basket we put them in," Emma reminded them. After our mission we left to the common room all of us laughing non stop. As a quick last minute trick Emma put a bit of Cat nip in Mrs. Norris' dish. As we mounted the stairs case to go back to the common room Professor McGonagall stopped us.

"May I ask what is so funny you three?"

"Sirius was just reminding us of the beginning of the year when he stood up on the table and threatened all of the Slytherins with a plastic sword," Emma replied grinning at me. I refrained from rolling my eyes and faked a laugh. McGonagall gave us one more skeptical look then suggested we go and do more 'studying'. We returned to the common room and told the others of our deeds and told them that they should bring a flask to drink out of tonight for dinner. The Gryffindor table would be the only table not to face embarrassment tonight. I watched as Emma described her fib to McGonagall, how livid she got. I pulled her on my lap and kissed her passionately.

"This year is the best year of my life,"


	14. Chapter 14

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Fourteen: N.E.W.T. (Never Ending Wizarding Torture)

Emma

When I woke up the realization hit me hard. Today was the start of exams. The only good thing about that statement was that we had a week left of school, forever. In bed next to me Lily let out a loud groan. I rolled out of bed and fell onto the floor. Trying to untangle myself from the demon blankets I reach out and grabbed a hold of Lily pulling her on top of me.

"Okay, I'm up now!"

"Well, I guess that's one way to wake up…" Molly commented helping us untangle ourselves from the mess of blankets. Slowly we began our busy day. I pulled on a white sun dress and then pulled my hair in a pony tail. I left Lily staring intently at the mirror to go see if the others were up yet. I jogged lightly down the stairs and found a weary looking Sirius waiting for me. After our good morning kiss we waited for the others.

"What fell earlier, it sounded like China landed on an elephant," James commented as we walked down the Great Staircase. Lily frowned and smacked him upside the head and Remus chuckled highly amused.

"You know I don't think it's even possible for china to fall on an elephant. And besides, how would you know what that would sound like?" Sirius pointed out to James. To tired to argue James gave up and sat down at our table. I watched as Professor McGonagall passed out our O.W.Ls, to remind us how 'well' we did. Looking at my score I sighed and almost put my elbow in Lily's porridge. Sirius looked at mine then back at his let out and angry sigh.

"I am _so_ not ready for this!" he grumbled letting himself slide off the bench. We all groaned in unison we Dumbledore explained how the testing would work. We could all go out to the courtyard and we would go in alphabetical order. At this Sirius let out a loud cry and got to his feet with much difficultly. With that we were sent out to 'enjoy' the sunshine. We staked out a good spot on the grass and sat down to wait for our doom. As we lounged in the cool grass Sirius began fiddling with the ring on my hand. It was looking a bit worn, but I never took it off, so it had gone through some funny times.

"What if we hung Lucius from the seventh floor chandelier?"

"I think it'd be funnier if we put Barty Crouch up there," Sirius replied still thinking about our big bang prank. Remus was in charge of telling people when they hand to go in for their tests so he didn't really get a say in it.

"What if we put them both up there? They hate each other, and to be stuck on a chandelier together we'd have an all out cat fight!" I replied grinning. The boys liked the idea, so we made a deal that after tests we'd bait to two and the hang them and watch them go at it. Of course they would assume that the other one put them in that spot, so they wouldn't remember that had been set up. After that agreement James began to play with the snitch I got him for Christmas. It was almost a Déjà vu of last year.

"Sirius you're up next and Lily you'll on deck," Remus called to them. I let go of my boyfriend's hand and wished him good luck. With nothing else to do I fell back into the grass when a head blocked the sun. It was Remus, and I guessed he had news for me.

"We've got more news on Voldemort. He's been rounding up creatures to join his side. So far he has the Dementors and the Giants but who knows who else he'll get to join him. We have to be careful now, especially since we're going to be doing missions," Remus informed me. I nodded and thanked him for updating me. Remus was so good at explaining things and keeping everyone calm. He told me he'd be back after he took his test, and before he went I filled him in on the nest big prank. Smiling he walked away.

"Emma, James you'd better get over there, they've gotten cranky and don't like it when the students aren't there," Arthur called to us. Getting to our feet my brother and I walked over to the Great Halls taking our sweet time. When we entered the Great Hall James was purple, so I hit him hard on the back.

"Breathing, it's fun stuff," I replied. He smiled weakly and bent over in a coughing fit. Before he could get it all out of his system a vulture like woman in her nineties came over and pulled him up right.

"You must be James Potter, I've been looking for you," she said in her horrible fingernails on chalk board voice. James eyes got wide and he stared back at me, silently begging me to help him.

"And you must be Emma," a very tall and handsome young man said. He couldn't have been any older than twenty five, with curly brown hair and stunning grey eyes. He extended a hand and I shook it smiling. He led me to the Charms room where we would be conducting my exam.

"My name is Joshua Rhys, I've heard a lot about you from my nephew."

"Who's your nephew?"

"Lucius Malfoy," He replied setting his briefcase down on a near by table. When he saw my look he laughed heartily. I couldn't believe that this man was related to the spawn of all evil.

"I get that a lot, but don't worry I'm not a Malfoy. His mother is my older sister," he explained. "Well, shall we begin?" The exam began and I had to write things down and recite spells. Then he had me go through several healing procedures on a healing dummy. Then I recited all of the major venoms and their cures.

"If I had cut my hand and I was bleeding badly what would you do to cure it?" Joshua asked me, pacing about to keep cool. I thought about it and then gave him my answer.

"Well, I would first soak your hand in a wolf's bane, dragon's blood and water mix often called Lethal Sanguine. Then I would stitch up the wound and bandage it," I replied. Joshua seemed thoroughly impressed with my answer and even stopped to ask me how I knew about that mixture. I told him that I had to use once on my self for a nasty bruise. He smiled and we moved on.

"That was the best I have seen all day. What do you plan on doing after Hogwarts?"

"I'm going to work in the children's ward in St. Mango's."

"Well I hope to see you there. I'm one of the head doctors there," With that he dismissed me. I felt a bit bad that later on tonight I would be threading his nephew into a chandelier to watch him fight with Barty, but not so bad that it stopped me. I was greeted by Nearly Headless Nick who asked me about the exam. I told him how I thought it went and he smiled. Then I went into the common room. When I arrived every one was slouched over on the couch and Sirius was even on the floor.

"Was it really that bad?"

"My advisor was this hag who kept hitting on me…" Sirius groaned covering his face with a pillow. Lily and Remus told me about their pleasant exams but James was still as wide eyed as when I had left him.

"Vulture lady would actually hit me every time I messed up!" James mumbled. Lily stroked his hair and gave him a kiss to try to make him feel better. I decided not to bring up my exam and instead changed the subject. If we were going to do it the time was now. The boys agreed and pulled themselves to their feet and gathered up their stuff. Remus had the map, and James the cloak. Now four of us weren't going to fit under that cloak so I got dubbed the bait.

"Great, b-e-a-utiful guys I really do thank all of you for putting me in this position. May I remind you oh dearest younger brother of mine, that Mum and Dad will be here tomorrow when we find out how we did on our exams. If you want me to have our wonderful Father torture you all day, it will be done," I told James as he, Remus and Sirius followed behind me under the cloak. With their guidance I found Lucius and got him to the seventh floor no problem. He won't even remember I was there. Now time for Barty, this was going to be difficult. Remus told me that he's always had a weird little crush on me, so it shouldn't be hard to get him to do anything.

"Hey Barty, one of the paintings stole my wand up on the seventh floor, do you thin you can help me?"

"Which one did it?"

"Sir Caduagen took it," I replied sweetly. He agreed to help me and followed me up to the seventh floor. When we got to the corner before the chandelier I hexed him and removed this memory of me tricking him.

"What a jerk, the whole time he was following you he had this look in his eye like he was going to eat you..." Sirius said growling. I hugged him and told him that I was glad I had my hero there with me. This got him to calm down.

"Oh look! They're waking up!"

"What am I doing here….? Crouch! What did you do to me!?" Lucius shouted kicking his legs making the chandelier sway. Barty yelled in rage about how Lucius out him there first. The two began a heated argument with punches and kicks flying. I decided it was time to go since the ceiling looked as though it would break.

"If we don't get out of here they'll wake the whole school and we'll be to blame. They'll never know we where here," Remus and I told the other two boys. We made our escape, giggling madly the whole way. When we got to the common room we all agreed that was better than tying Lucius to the Whomping Willow.

"That'll be a record for the next pranksters to beat."


	15. Chapter 15

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Fifteen: Playing with Fire

Sirius

The Potter's arrived two days early for the Parent Banquet to spend a bit of time in Hogsmade and the Hogwarts Castle. Moody joined them and stayed with the Headmaster most of the time, figuring out new mission plans to send the Order on. The group spent a day out on the shore side of the lake taking in every moment. The last few days at Hogwarts until our kids were grown and ready to become witches and wizards.

"Can you believe that in the next three days will be all on our own?"

"We won't be alone, we'll have each other," Emma said tapping my nose with her finger. I pulled her on top of me and fell back into the grass. She laid her head on my chest, listening to my heart beat. We pretended that Lily and James weren't making out near by and began chit chatting.

"Remus, my boy! How are you this fine day?" I said spying his feet in the grass. I sat up, forgetting about Emma and greeted him. Emma didn't seem to mind too much because she was on her feet to give Remus a hug. He had been really sick, from his monthly, and tonight was an other full moon.

"Is it your time of the month Moony?" James asked his lips finally off of Lily. Remus didn't smile or fake a laugh like he normally did, instead he frowned. James made a comment about giving him chocolate so Emma threw her shoe at his head, hitting him square on the nose.

"Think of it this way Remmy, it'll be your last time sneaking into the Shrieking Shack. Imagine, no more Whomping Willow!" Emma thought comforting him. She really disliked that tree. I think that if trees could hate, it would hate Emma as much as Emma hated it. Remus smiled and thanked Emma for the positive feed back.

"Would you like to come with tonight Em? How would you like to enjoy the moonlight with a bunch of animals?"

"A bunch of animals is right," Emma replied under her breath. I ignored that comment and waited for hers and Remus' reaction to the proposal. Normally Remus didn't like humans getting involved, but Emma really wanted to go tonight. I said we could trade Peter out for her. Remus agreed and we went to go get his potion from Slughorn. Before we left Emma went into the kitchen and got some food, because we're always hungry. At eleven we snuck out to wait for Remus to transform.

"Okay only two of us will be able to wear the cloak and I think it should be Emma and I," I told the other two boys. Remus had an excuse for being out this late but the rest of us didn't. Slowly we made our way to the Whomping Willow, for the last time. Emma volunteered her brother to push the knob and we slipped into the tunnel. There Emma took off the cloak and carried it. Stooping over we made our way, single file until we reached the stairs. Remus went up first then one by one we transformed, save for Emma, and followed him in. Emma was the last, carrying food as treats for Remus. IT was great to be a dog again. I wrestled with Prongs and Moony like the old days and Emma watched us, keeping a fair distance just in case. If Remus would come to close to her, she would throw a piece of food in an opposite direction. We toiled away a few hours keeping Emma amused until Remus turned back. I carried an exhausted Emma back into the school and up to the common room.

"Did you enjoy tonight?" I asked her as we climbed the staircase to the common room. She nodded sleepily. I let her walk up to her dorm but not before a kiss. Then I collapsed on my bed and fell into a sleep about a wolf, a stag and a big black dog.

**Author's Note: Sorry this one is short, but I promise the next one will be very good. Only six more chapters left to go! I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit sad about it. Oh Wells, life goes on. Happy Reading! **


	16. Chapter 16

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Sixteen: Never Alone

Emma

_It had been so long, thirteen years to long to be correct. As we walked up the sidewalk to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, I couldn't stop the memories that attacked me. My two sons held my hands, comforting me. I walked into the dusty old house we left so long ago, because it wasn't safe anymore. It still isn't safe. _

_"Wait right here boys, I'll be right back with your father," I told them. They nodded and began looking about the house, taking in every little bit of the house they would never remember. I slowly went up the stairs my breath short, I was so anxious. I wasn't sure if the man I married would still be there after thirteen years in Azkaban. I paused outside his door and held in the tears. _

_"Sirius?" I whispered pushing open the door. Immediately I was embraced by the strong arms I remembered. He stroked my hair and held me; I never wanted this moment to end. _

_"Emma, I'm so glad you and the boys are okay," Sirius whispered back. I pulled away to get a better look at him. It was still the Sirius I knew, but his face was more pallid, and gaunt. He probably would never go back to the way that he was. I smiled and took his hand, leading him down stairs to see his sons. Jediah was the first one to hear us. He met us on the landing, trying not to choke up. _

_"Dad, is that you?" He asked. Sirius let go of my hand and squeezed his oldest son. Israel joined us and Sirius turned to him, pulling him into a bear hug. I joined my family, still holding back the tears. Finally after thirteen long years the Black family was together again. We went into the kitchen and I made drinks for all of us. We began talking about everything that went on. Jediah was engaged and he would be getting married to a beautiful young girl by the name of Rosa Krum, Victor Krum's older sister. Jediah filled in his father about his fiancé and Israel talked non stop about Quidditch. Israel had been the Keeper for Gryffindor just like I had in school for years. He had been asked to join the British team and he had taken it. _

_"I've not going to lose you, ever again," Sirius told all of us. We chatted until the moon rose. Soon we heard the door open and "Uncle Remmy" came in. The boys greeted him with hugs and smiled, but I could tell this wasn't a time to celebrate. Then Molly and her twin boys Fred and George joined us. Molly came over and gave me a huge hug. _

_"It's Harry Sirius; he's gone to the Ministry of Magic. We have to stop him. Voldemort and his Death Eaters have infiltrated the place!" Remus said. Sirius gave me the, "I have to do this" look, and gave me a huge kiss promising to return. His nephew and godson was in danger, and he had to do what was right. _

_"Emma, I want to you to know, that what ever happens, you are never alone. I'll always be right here," He said putting a hand on his heart. Then he left. Just like that. _

_"Molly I don't know what I would do with out you. With Lily and James gone, who have been there for me to keep me in line. Your whole family and Remus have just really kept me together," I told Molly. She made stronger drinks and passed them out to us. Even Fred and George got some. The boys began talking about the differences between their years in Hogwarts. We waited at that table for ever. Every minute that passed was like an hour, and every hour that passed was like a whole year went by. At dawn's first light Remus finally returned. _

_"Remus, where's Sirius? How'd things go? Is Harry alright?" _

_"Harry's fine, and so is Ginny Molly, but Emma…I don't know how to tell you this…" Remus said wiping a few tears from his eyes. I had only seen Remus cry once, after my brother and Lily died. Now I was afraid. Molly covered her mouth with her hand. _

_"Oh god, no…" _

_"Emma…Sirius is dead." _

I sat up in my bed, a cold sweat drenching my body. My chest began to heave and I tried not to hyperventilate. I looked about my dorm room. I was at Hogwarts, miles and miles away from Grimmauld place. Lily was alive and sleeping next to me. I quietly got out of bed and went to the boy's dorm. I had to make sure it was just a dream. In the darkened room, through the sliver of moonlight I could see my brother sleeping soundly. I went to Sirius, who was dreaming peacefully. I crawled into bed, lying down next to him. This slight movement woke him and he sleepily gazed at me.

"Emma what is it?"

"I had a dream…about us after school," I started. This got him to smile. He began asking questions like how many kids we had if we had a nice house and telling me it was a good thing. I shook my head and put a finger to his lips.

"No listen, in my dream Lily and James were dead, and you had to go save their son Harry. In the process you died, Sirius."

"Oh Em, its okay. It was just a dream. I'm right here next to you, and I'm not going any where. Do you need to sleep here with me tonight?" Sirius asked. I thought about it for a bit. We had often spent the night together, but tonight was different. I needed to clear my head before I could get any sleep. I told him I was going for a walk. I stole the cloak from the top of James' trunk and vanished beneath it. Slowly I began to wander the halls trying my hardest not to think about what I had just seen in my dream.

"It was just a dream Emma, that won't really happen," I told myself over and over again. Still the shadow of doubt clung in my head. I found a strange door I never remembered seeing and walked inside. There I let the cloak fall off. The room was empty save for a large mirror in the center. I stepped towards it, taking light steps. I watched my reflection in it. I was standing next to Sirius, and we looked a bit older. In front of us were two boys, whom I recognized as Jediah and Israel. Behind us I could see James and Lily. In Lily's arms she held a little baby.

"Harry," I whispered. I reached out and gently touched the mirror in awe. This was my family. I sat there gazing at the mirror in shock. I don't know how long I sat there, but it wasn't to long because the only light I could see was still moonlight. While I toiled away the door opened and someone joined me.

"The Mirror of Erised, the mirror that shows us our deepest desire. It has been here for ages, and probably always will. People have wasted away in front of it, longing for that which they do not know how to get," Snape said. I was surprised. The last person I thought would be down here was Serverus Snape. He stood next to me gazing at his own reflection. All I could see know was the two of us.

"I often come down here, and waste my nights. The mirror may by harmful, but it's the only glimpse of that I'll ever have," He told me. I wondered what it was he saw, but then suddenly I saw it. Him with Lily. Of course I knew that they had been childhood friends but soon the two began to drift and our friendship grew. It all made sense now; he was in love with her.

"You know now what I see, but I beg of you not to tell any one."

"My lips are sealed, not even the love of my life will know. And if you're worried I'll tell Lily I won't, trust me," I replied to him. He nodded glad that I would keep his secret as long a he himself kept it. He started at the mirror focusing hard. Then suddenly he laughed. He looked back at me and then the mirror and laughed once more.

"Of course, all you want is to have a happy family with Black. I should have seen that coming."

"Hey, you want the same with Lily so shut that hole in your face," I told him. He smiled and walked out of the room leaving me to decide if I should go or not. In the end I did and I went straight back to Sirius, his words from my dream swimming in my head. I fell asleep listening to his breathing.

_"Emma, I want to you to know, that what ever happens, you are never alone. I'll always be right here." _


	17. Chapter 17

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Seventeen: The Results

Sirius

I woke up to a soft, yet familiar school boyish giggle. I opened my eyes and saw Mr. Potter placing something on his son's face. He turned to me, a finger over his lips and a grin on his boyish face. I got out of bed and pulled on the outfit I set aside for today. I had gotten up earlier when Emma woke to go slink back into her dorm after last night. I couldn't but feel slightly bothered by her dream, but I let that pass. As I was buttoning up my shirt James let out a loud scream as he found the few slugs his father placed on his face. I ran a comb through my hair watching my best friend fight his dad, all the while there was slime in his eyes.

"You're a cheating bastard that was sick, just sick…" James yelled at the top of his lungs. I left the two to fight it out and went down stairs, the sounds of Mr. Potter torturing his son following me down the stair case. In the common room the girls were seated on the couch next to Mrs. Potter, all three of them dressed fairly nicely.

"I warned him this time," Emma was telling Lily and her mother. They laughed and began talking about all the ways Mr. Potter found to keep himself entertained. Most of them were pulling pranks on James. Maybe that's where the two got it from. When Emma saw me she got up and greeted me, just like every morning. We pretended that last night never happened in front of the others. I think James would kill me if he found out his sister was sleeping with me. He'd just have to get use to it.

"You look very becoming today," She joked fixing my tie. I laughed and admired her sundress. Then we sat back down again.

"As apposed to every day?" I teased pretending to bite her ear. Just then James came down the stairs, his father behind him, still laughing. We walked down the Great Hall for the Parent Breakfast; all of us joking around save for James, who was still irate. We found our friends and their parents, and we spilt up in our little groups, parents with the parents and offspring with offspring.

"You okay there James? Did Peeves take a dump in your pumpkin juice?" Remus said as we sat down. James replied he didn't want to talk about it so I filled in everyone on what happened this morning. The group roared with laughter and James turned a nice shade of burgundy. He reached for his goblet but then thought about it and stopped. Emma and Lily were giggling madly after I finished explaining.

"That's what that scream was, I thought it was a girl!" Emma replied. James threw his piece of toast at her, but it didn't work as well as he had hoped. Breakfast continued and we persisted to tease James. He finally ignored the lot of us and focused on Dumbledore as he ate. Soon Dumbledore got up and announced the N.E.W.T.s high scores.

"For the first time in N.E.W.T.s history we had three perfect scores! Would Remus Lupin, Lucius Malfoy and Emma Potter please come up to the front of the Hall?" He called out to us. Emma's eyes got very big and I thought she was going to fall onto the floor. I helped her from the bench and gave her a little push. When she got up to the front she gave Dumbledore and Remus a huge hug. He shook their hands and gave them each a little certificate. Emma was still in shock when she got back to her seat.

"Tonight we'll have huge ceremony to celebrate the success of all of these bright young people going to the new world. Our Head Boy will give a speech and then will end the night with fireworks," He concluded and we went out to enjoy the day. While the others enjoyed the sunshine Emma and snuck off to go take a bath. While she got the prefect's huge bath tub ready I left her to quick grab the map just in case. I started toward the bath room when I noticed the little dot labeled Lucius Malfoy sprint away from the restroom. Emma was panting, with her towel hardly on and wand at the ready.

"What a creep."

"I agree," A familiar voice said. I sighed as Moaning Myrtle made her self visible. Emma didn't seem to mind much but I did. I wasn't about to let her see me butt naked. Myrtle just giggled in that creepy way when she saw me.

"What are you doing in here?"

"I'm always in here…"

"…spying on people…," I replied. Emma put her hand on my arm and told me that she was glad Myrtle was here because she helped get rid of Lucius. Emma thanked Myrtle and Myrtle left leaving us alone. She slipped into the bubbly water and waited for me to join her.

Myrtle only interrupted us once, to remind us that we had a banquet we might need to attend. We crawled out of the water and hurriedly dressed. I thanked god for magic, and dried off. Emma fixed her hair then straightened her dress.

"It's a good thing Myrtle told us."

"Eh, the water was getting cold and there were hardly any bubbles left," I replied teasing her with a kiss. We arrived right on time, receiving many questioning looks. I sat down next to Remus who leaned over and whispered something to me. I blushed and zipped up my pants hoping no one, especially James didn't notice. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were chatting about India and hadn't noticed that their daughter had sat down next to them. Before we ate Dumbledore had Remus come up and give his speech.

"Everyone here has faced danger, and excitement and many other things here at Hogwarts. But what we will face a new wizards and witched going out into that world beats all of those. These are dark times, and who knows if even darker times will come. So let's make the best of what we have for the future. We must never forget the things they taught us at Hogwarts. Even things that Peeves taught we must keep in mind. To go out there is a big step, and it'll be hard for us. So hold on tight to whatever you can, and don't get caught up in the current. And lastly, don't ever forget your loved ones," Remus said finishing his speech. The Gryffindor table went wild, all of us standing on the benches and throwing confetti and pulling party crackers. The feast was amazing; Dumbledore had some of the finest food put out for us. We began laughing and teasing like always, but it was different this time. This was one of our last feasts here at Hogwarts. It was almost hard to take. After dinner we all went outside for fireworks. We sprawled out on the grass holding loved ones in our arms and gawking at the sky. I held Emma closed and kissed her with all that I had.

"I love you."


	18. Chapter 18

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Eighteen: A Night to Remember

Emma

The day of the Years End Ball arrived after months of yearning and waiting. Everyone was anxious for the night to fall and the lights to go up. The boys had butterflies and the girls had it much worse. Lily and I were enjoying our last day at Hogwarts taking a tour of the castle one last time. We joked and laughed about memories of things that happened in this room and who we caught doing it in that room. After our brief, yet satisfying, tour we went out and basked in the sun by the lake. Sirius was waiting with open arms for me there where I laid on his chest and felt him run his fingers through my hair. Lily began telling me about a muggle dance they call prom.

"I guess it's just like this only with out the magic and the…"

"..Weird Sisters…" Sirius finished for Lily smiling. I giggled at my boyfriend. When he found out that the Weird Sisters were booked to sing for us he and James ran around like little fan girls talking about them. Now I think they even took my spot in his head. Lily rolled her eyes, knowing James would have the same thing with that same idiotic smile on his face.

"Yes Sirius and no Weird Sisters. They also take pictures, which don't move, and do this…Grand March like thing were the girls show off their dresses and the boys show off their girls," Lily finished explaining. We talked about how this ball was way better then Petunia's prom and how we would probably dance until the sun came back up again. Then Lily asked me how exactly it was going to work.

"Remus told me that we're eating dinner outside under the stars and then everyone except the seventh years goes to bed and we get to go to the dance. Then supposedly Remus is going in first, then Lucius then me and we lead the first dance," I explained going over it. Sirius groaned at the dance part. He had two left feet and couldn't dance if his life depended on it. He also had to go through an intense dance 101 with McGonagall so he didn't screw up the first dance. Sadly even Lucius can dance better than Sirius Black. The bell rang for lunch and we filed into the Great Hall. There we met up with the others and commenced talking again.

"Em, after lunch we should start getting ready."

"But we have to be out on the lawn at _seven_," James kindly told his girl friend. She smiled and nodded then told him that's why we had to start getting ready. The males at the table shook their heads, but kept any comments to themselves. Just then Peter ran up, completely out of breath, his chest rising and falling faster than humanly possible.

"James…Sirius…I'm sorry…..Flich he….he…he…."

"Well, spit it out now, what did he do?"

"He took the…the map," Peter mumbled. Everyone stopped eating and gazed at the two boys. Remus was a bit melancholy about it, but neither James nor Sirius had made any kind of acknowledgement. Sirius turned to James and let out a loud hearty laugh. James too, began laughing, and soon both threw their heads back laughing it all up.

"Now we can pass on our expert knowledge of tomfoolery on to the others!"

"If they can get it out of Flich's office that is," Sirius added in an incredibly good mood. I turned to Lily and we both agreed it was time for us to go get ready. Bidding the others farewell we left and went up to our rooms to get ready for the merrymaking.

"It's so hard to believe that what felt like a month ago we were sitting under that hat to get sorted and now we are getting ready for our last night at Hogwarts. I wonder were the time went?" Lily said reminiscing about the good old days. I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face as I thought about the trouble I got into. We traded storied again talking about the boys nicknames and how I insisted that Sirius had flees.

"James constantly told him that he should make it permanent, but Sirius said he couldn't stand all the ticks and flees," Lily said and we tumbled into a laughing fit. We got out our dresses and pulled them on; making sure everything was perfectly in place. Then before we stepped back to admire our work we did one an other's hair, meticulously placing each strand in the right place.

"What will you do if Sirius asks you to marry him?" Lily asked as I finished piling her newly curled hair on top of her head in a gold crown. I blushed, thinking about my dream and that night I talked with Snape.

"I'd say yes of course! What would you do if James asks?" I replied trading her spots. She blushed a red even deeper than her hair. I knew she'd say yes, she was just hesitant on it. For the longest time she disliked my brother because he was rude and pompous, but once she saw his soft side she couldn't resist him.

"I would tell him yes," she finally replied making sure my braid was taut and secured. Then she pulled loose a few curls and let them hang on my bare shoulders. Gazing in the mirror I pinned a few silver pins in and critiqued the finished product.

"You are going to give my poor brother a heart attack," I told Lily looking her over. She had on a long billowing emerald green halter dress that was slim on top and wisped out about her feet. It was adorned in gold jewels and gauzy fabric.

"It matches your eyes!" I said giggling and hugging my best friend. It was her turn to get a good look at me. I had on a very sleek and slender ocean blue dress encrusted with silver jewels and embellishments. On my right side a long slit went up the side showing off a bit of my leg.

"Oh my god Emmy, if James is having a heart attack then Sirius is going to have his heart just stop. He's going to absolutely die when he sees you!" Lily told me. I took her hand and we went down to the common room where our date where waiting. When we became visible to everyone in the common room the whole room woke up with cheers. In the center of the cheering crowd were James and Sirius eagerly awaiting us.

"Wow Lily…you look….you look…well…um…..really…really…um…wow…," James mumbled loosing his composure. Sirius flashed me a radiant smile and got on his knee to kiss my hand. Then he took my arm and began to leave the crowed common room.

"Even the moon her self should be jealous, for you have stolen all her beauty."

"Why thank you Prince Charming, but I think you forgot one thing: A girl can only be this radiant when she has a boyfriend that slays dragons for her," I replied kissing him on the cheek. He barked with laughter and scooped me up in his arms and carried me down the stair case. Outside Molly and Arthur, Remus and Tonks were all waiting for us at one of the bigger tables. The stars gleamed brightly and the moon seemed to smile as we took our seats and watched Peeves dance about on the teachers table. Tonks had dressed up very nicely for the occasion, becoming a pink fairy. Molly was seated next to her in a slightly revealing purple gown.

"This is so cool," Tonks said gazing about. I couldn't wait until we got inside. That would be where the real magic was. Butterbeers were passes out and the feast began. Food magically found its way onto our table and then magically disappeared faster than it had appeared. We watched as the girls took dainty bites and the boys wolfed down their food. James and Sirius licked their plates clean.

"To think they're of age!" Lily whispered to me. While the boys began talking about Quidditch the girls began talking about Molly and Arthur's recent engagement. We began discussing what the plans were and when it was when Dumbledore announced that it was time for the ball. I took my boyfriend's hand and led him toward the front of the line. Lucius was excluded for the line because his date got sick and couldn't come. With no dance partner he couldn't be part of the opening and was forced to sit on the sidelines and watch. Following Remus and Tonks out we began the opening dance twirling about in a mystical garden. The walls were lined with huge green vines and colossal brilliantly lit flowers. Showers of sparkles and flower petals fell from the sky. Tiny fairies soared about our head like tiny lights. On a platform covered in flowers and grass were the Weird Sisters all decked out in bright pastel leather. After the opening dance our focus turned to the band. They began to wind us up and tease us before starting to play. Then the music began to play, the chords flowing through my body. My heart began to beat to the same beat they played. Sirius grabbed my wrist and drug me into the middle of the dance floor. Lily followed soon after with James. Before long we were panting for all the laughing and the dancing.

"I…don't think….I've ever…….danced….that hard….in…my……life," Lily cried as we found a secluded area for eight of us to talk and rest. I opened my mouth to say something but Sirius nudged me. James gave him a funny look and he waved. Not getting the response he wanted he dropped it. Once again we began talking about Molly and Arthur.

"So, any kiddies on the way yet?" James asked. Molly blushed and so did Arthur. I gazed at Sirius and his fished out a coin and tossed it at me. The others laughed and the joking never seemed to stop. I noticed that Sirius was acting a little bit funny, like he was nervous about something. He just had that look on his face that was hard to read. He squeezed my hand and asked if he could speak with me alone.

"Em, I have never been happier than I have been this past year," He began sitting on the bench next to me. Above us was a gate weaved with softly glowing white roses. He fidgeted a bit before he continued.

"And I think that I'm so happy because of you. Every morning when I wake up, my first thought is of you, and every night before I go to bed I think of you. I didn't think that it was in any way possible to love and care about a person as much as I care about you, but I know that it is. You've shown me so much, and you mean the world to me. I want to wake up next to you every morning, have a family with you and spend the rest of my life with you. Will you please, marry me?" Sirius asked. He was down on one knee, black box in hand, and nervous smile on his face. I wiped a tear from my eye and took the box from him nodding, not able to speak. He placed the white gold band set with sapphires and diamonds on my ring finger. I hugged him fiercely almost knocking him over. He laughed with relief and kissed me under the gate and the roses.

"So…it's a no then…?" He joked. I hugged him again, not believing a moment of it. Sirius smiled and wiped a few tears from my eyes. We went back to join the group and Lily ran up to me, tackling me with all of her might. I showed her the ring and we both let out a shriek of delight. Then I showed everyone my ring and Molly and I got to show off.

"Emmy got blinged!" Tonks cried in delight. I joked about how Molly and I had started a trend and that Lily would be next. I just happened to catch a glimpse of Lucius as he walked by our area. There was fire in his eyes, but he knew there was nothing he could do to bother me. He'd just have to find another way.

"Everyone, let's have a celebration at Grimmauld Place next week to celebrate all the magnificent things happening to us, even in such times!" Sirius called. It was settled, there would be a party at Grimmauld Place. Sirius took me out on the dance floor to dance again, where he would often pick me up and spin me about.

"Well Mrs. Black, before this evening comes to a close I have one more surprise for you," Sirius told me leading me away again. He led me onto the grounds and to a clearing next to the Forbidden Forest. Waving his wand for effect he reveled his motorcycle to me.

"What do you say? One more ride before the year comes to a close?" He asked me. I nodded and got on behind him. Then we took off into the night sky.


	19. Chapter 19

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Nineteen: The Best Things Come in Even Littler Boxes

Sirius

After school and our engagement Emma moved in to Grimmauld Place with me. Regulas had moved out, leaving the enormous house all to ourselves. Emma began working at the children's ward at St. Mungo's and also did medical things on missions for the Order. James and I ended up getting jobs in the Ministry and working with the Order as well. Grimmauld place became a frequent meeting spot. The day of our huge party Emma and I got great news.

"Sirius…," She called to me as I was dressing. I went into the bathroom where Emma was sitting on the sink counter with her wand. She had this look on her face, and I wasn't sure what to think. Should I be worried or not?

"What is it honey? Is something the matter?" I asked her feeling her forehead. She shook her head and flicked out the lights. Then she held up her shirt showing off her slightly tan stomach.

"What am I suppose to be looking at?"

"Just watch," she said. Then she produced this blue light out of the tip of her wand. She explained what it did and what it showed. She showed me a few cuts and a bruise. I was still confused as to what I was looking at.

"Do you want me to kiss your boo boo?"

"No, now look at this," She replied. She passed the wand over her stomach and it turned a deep gold color. This was what she was trying to show me, but I didn't know what the color meant. She once again began to explain. She tenderly cupped my face in her hands and smiled.

"You're going to be a daddy," She told me. I was so excited to hear it. One more thing to celebrate! This news put me in a good mood the whole day, and Emma was constantly smiling. She greeted each person with hugs and told them how glad she was that they had come. Finally the last guest had arrived and Mr. and Mrs. Potter passed around the wine.

"Here's to new beginnings and happily ever afters!" Mr. Potter cried giving a simple toast. We raised our goblets and cheered. I watched as Emma began to raise her goblet to her lips. I snatched it from her and took her into the kitchen.

"I think you'd better not have that…I'll make you something extra special okay?" I told her. She nodded and I handed the goblet off to Remus. Lily saw this and followed us to the kitchen. Lily gave her the full check up.

"I can't believe you're going to have a baby!" Lily said squeezing Emma tight. I watched the best friends and smiled. When they broke apart I gave Emma her milkshake as promised and we went out to tell everyone the big news.

"Everyone, I have an announcement. They always say the big things come in little packages, but the best things come in even littler boxes. Emma and I are going to have a baby!" I yelled. There were lots of yells and chatter and Emma was mobbed with hugs. James congratulated us, and bit his tongue. Like I said, he'd get use to it. Molly was telling Emma all about the big decision they had made. They were going to have the baby and then get married. Her mother would take care of it while they took a short honeymoon. Mrs. Potter was weeping she was so happy. James took away her alcohol too.

"We're going to have to get married soon, or my dress isn't going to fit," Emma realized. The guest laughed as she made the realization. After a few more drinks the guests began to leave, saying that the woman of the household needing her sleep.

"Congrats again sis," James said rubbing Emma's tummy as he and Lily began to leave. Emma shoved her brother off of her and embraced her best friend. Soon the household was empty again, and we were left exhausted.

"We're gonna have to move, this house is no place to raise kids. There are too many dangerous things here and I doubt we'd find them all."

"We could give the house to the Order once we move out," I suggested. Emma liked that idea. With smiles still on our face and the wedding just beyond our reach we went to sleep.

**Author's note: Another short one, sorry about that. The next two should be longer. Happy Reading! **


	20. Chapter 20

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Twenty: Wedding Bells

Emma

The tawny owl belongs to Sirius. It was his owl that woke me up at six this morning. I feel Sirius crawl out of bed to read the urgent letter. With out opening my eyes I know that it's Order business for Dumbledore. Things have gotten a lot tighter and the wedding would be under sanctuary watch as they called it. I pull my pillow over my head to block out the light coming in through the open window. I feel sick again. As Sirius climbs back into bed I scramble from the covers to the white gleaming savoir. I can't tell if it's the baby, wedding nerves or just from the first night in the new house.

"There were two letters, one from Molly and Arthur with baby updates for everyone. She's due in about a month and then they'll have the wedding. They also wanted us to know they would be at the wedding today. The second letter was from…"

"Albus, I know that's all the mail we ever get any more. What did he want?" I ask after finishing a spout of baby hormones. I sit back on the floor and look at Sirius, who is sitting there shirtless in bed waiting for me to come back to him. I get to my feet thinking I'm done and fill a glass of water from the sink.

"The other letter was just an update on the sanctuary watch for the wedding. He's placing everyone from the Order in there, except Mad Eye, he's got unfinished business in court with a couple of Death Eaters. Nasty case, they striped and bludgeoned two muggles to death. Any way he just wants us to know that the wedding will be completely safe," My husband to be tells me. I nod and go back to the toilet to rid myself of the rest of the morning sickness. When I know the worst is over I fall back on to the bed and sigh. Sirius pulls the stray strands from my face and kisses my forehead.

"Good thing the wedding is in the afternoon…I can just see you sprinting down the aisle half way through the service. 'No it's okay minister she'll be back, she just has a quick date with her new boyfriend that's all!'" Sirius said teasing. I closed my eyes and tried to get a few more hours of sleep before my mother came to collect me.

My mother took over the whole wedding. I told her to keep it low key, because any one in the Order had to keep as low a profile as possible. We were the number one targets. She, of course, didn't listen and gave me the biggest wedding she could put together. The tent in which the service would be held was the center of yuppie Dom. At least it wasn't like the last wedding she planned, which became an Indian Paradise.

"Merlin's Pants, I have never seen this many flowers in one room, and this is just your dressing room!" Lily exclaimed coming in. Mother was fixing my hair to my head, giving me the sexiest hair helmet she possibly could. Lily intervened and saved it, and recreated the 'perfect bride' look my mother failed at. Then it was time to pull the dress on.

"I'm not going to be able to get this tent on all by myself," I said gazing at my absolutely stunning dress hanging in the closet in front of me. Lily came over and helped me get it over my head. The top of the dress was a halter tied at the neck with no back what so ever, save for a small gauzy band around the middle of my back. Then at the waist it began to surge like a white waterfall of fabric and fluff pooling at my feet. As the veil and crown were placed on my head Lily mumbled in my ear.

"You mum is not taking over my wedding." I laughed and shook my head, causing a few stray curls to fall from their place, super glued to my head. My mother had made curry, and I was hungry so I grabbed a bowl and began to chow down.

"I thought you didn't like spicy," Lily said straightening her deep purple gown. I nodded as I took a giant spoonful and stuffed it into my mouth. Mother saw me eating and seized the food from me and made me go wash up for the twentieth time. I looked over my shoulder and answered Lily's question.

"I don't, but that's not what the hormones tell me." Laughter broke through the dressing room as the bride maids heard my remark. Molly was the only one who knew exactly what I meant by that comment. We began chatting about her baby and the sex of it, and if they had a name yet. Lily had been there for me for each appointment, since Sirius had been to busy with the Order.

"Sirius wants the baby to be born on his birthday. He says that would be the ultimate birthday gift he could ever get," I explain to the girls. They ooh and aah, saying how they've never heard of something that romantic, and begin asking me about how Sirius proposed. Of course they were all there; they still love to hear it. I begin to tell them the story when mother interrupts saying it was time for the wedding to start. We get into our places and the music starts. I think about Sirius out there waiting for me, and how this would be my last time as Emma Potter. I was ready to become Emma Black. The bridal march starts and I take my father's arm. Slowly we walk down the petal strewn aisle, under the canopy of white gold and purple roses. The late afternoon sun is streaming through holes in the tent walls, making it glow even brighter. Next to the alter is the love of my life, Sirius, in his dashing black tux. A purple flower sticks out of his breast pocket like a flag caught in a gentle breeze. His eyes shine as he sees me, and I feel all eyes on me as I glide to the front of the tent.

"We are gathered here today to untie this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Often times it takes a while to find true love, but today is a day we will always remember, for today we unite these two under vows of True love. We will start the vows now. Sirius, you first," The minister said. Sirius took my hands and held them in his keeping me close to him. I could tell he was excited, he had the gleam in his eyes still. The ring bearer brought up the rings on his little pillow and handed one of them to Sirius. Then he sat down next to my feet.

"Emma Lynn, from the first time that I saw you, I knew that you were something special. I knew that you were the kind of person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And growing up with you and your brother has only made that voice in my head stronger. It was the kind of person, it was the person herself. You've always been my light in thick and thin, and I am so glad that I'll waste the rest of my days with you," Sirius said placing the band on my finger along with my engagement ring. Near by I heard my mother sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't help but smile at Sirius. Now it was my turn to give my vows. The ring bearer stood up and handed me the other ring and went and sat down with his mother.

"Sirius Roger, that night you saved my brother was one of the first nights I saw the kind, compassionate side of you that I hadn't seen before. Now every morning when I wake I wake to Sirius, not just that side of him that cares all the time. Because the real Sirius is always caring, and joking and loving and that is who I fell in love with, a man who knows how to always be there. And I know that I will always, always and forever, love him," I vowed slipping the ring on his finger. The minister said a few heart throbbing words and the audience cried a bit more. Then we said our I do's and the minister said the magic words.

"I pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." Sirius grinned at me and lifted the small veil from my face. He grabbed me and dipped me into a passionate, tepid kiss. The crowd cheered us on like at a football game, so we gave them more. My mother darn near strangled me as she tried to hug me when Sirius and I walked by. The reception was outside by a beautiful lake. The wedding party stood in a line and greeted the guests as they came in. I saw many of my fellow coworkers and members of the Order. Then we went to the dinning tables on the shore side to have dinner. There James would have to give his speech.

"I've know Sirius what feels like all my life, but when I found out that he was dating my older sister I couldn't seem to wrap my brain around it. After a few weeks it finally seemed right to me. I took Sirius aside and I told him, that if he ever hurt Emma, he'd have to answer to the Potter family. His reply was so genuine and pure and I was convinced that he was the right guy for my sis. He said to me, 'James, I could never hurt Emma, I lover her so much, that it hurts me to see her in pain. When she cries, I cry, when she laughs I laugh too. When she's scared I hold her close until the monsters go away.' That's true dedication to one and other and I wish you both the best of luck with the new family," James said raising his glass. We toasted everyone with their champagne and me with my butterbeer. Sirius leaned over and gave me one more kiss. We ate and enjoyed telling stories and after dinner before we cut the cake my mother told a story about me. The guests got to laugh once more at the bride before we cut the cake.

"Okay everyone, we're going to have cake and then it'll be the bride and groom's first dance as a married couple," My father announced. Everyone gathered around us as Sirius and I began cutting into the five tear golden cake. We held a piece up to each other's mouth and gently fed it to one and other. The crowed clapped politely and we waited to go out onto the dance floor.

"Remember only about a month ago we were dancing about the ball leading everyone in dance? Now we get one all to ourselves," I asked Sirius. He smiled and nodded, recalling that I led the dance. He reminded me that this would be the same thing.

"No, it's not the same."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not the same because instead of dancing with your girlfriend, you're now dancing with your wife."


	21. Chapter 21

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Twenty One: Bereavement

Sirius

Twelve Years Later

Times are tough, and with the war waging harder everyday, it's been getting difficult for friends and family to enter our lives again. Since the birth of our second son and a coming prophecy, Emma and the boys have been placed under a Fidelius Charm to keep them safe. James often says that in time if the charm is not broken by Molly, everyone will forget that they even existed. With the help of Dumbledore, Emma and I made sure the connection between me and my sons is never to be found out.

"Boys, come here please," Emma calls from the kitchen pulling me from my thoughts. I sit at my desk with a web of writing across a piece of parchment. I'm trying to find a connection between us and Voldemort, but the only one I can find is the Order. We've all taken high safety precautions, so we don't end up like Mad Eye Moody, as he's now called, or Frank and Alice Longbottom. I hear the boys thunder down the stairs to their mum. I poke my head out to see what the big deal is.

"Jediah, go change, you can't wear your Quidditch uniform over to your aunt and uncle's house." Emma said addressing our oldest son. "And Israel, what is all over your face?" She began scrubbing hard at his face much to his dislike. It was odd how both boys resembled their mother almost to a t. Hardly any of the Black family features stood out, save for the deep grey eyes. Each boy did not have the famous Potter Blue eyes. But both boys had a knack for mischief and Quidditch. After finishing his second year at Hogwarts Jediah had received a place as seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, along with his best friend Bill Weasley, who became keeper. Jediah came back down the stairs dressed in something other than his school uniform and we got ready to leave.

"Are we going by Floo Powder today mum?" Israel asks. Emma shakes her head and explains that after Jediah went to the neighbor's house last time we stirred up a few things so it was safer not to use Floo Powder. It was a convincing lie, and the boys believed it.

"Thank god, I hate Floo Powder," I said under my breath. Emma heard me and gave me the look. I was only encouraging the boys when I said things like that. Taking over to repent for my 'outburst' I explained to the boys how things would work.

"Okay boys here is the deal, we'll be going over to Cousin Harry's first birthday party, and we'll be apperating. Now I know you both don't like it, but it's quick and painless. Once we get there I need you both to be on your best behavior because we haven't seen your aunt and uncle in a while and mum and dad have a lot to discuss with them. Got it?" I told my sons. They nodded and we got ready to leave. Emma left with Israel first and then I followed her with Jediah. James and Lily's house in Godric's Hallow, was the perfect house for their small family. In the nice backyard they had set up stuff for the party. Lots of red headed children could be seen roaming about. James spots us first and greets me with a huge hug. Then he embraces his sister. Lily comes out and squeezes her best friend. I send the boys off to play. Jediah goes and plays with Bill and Israel goes to play Charlie and the twins Fred and George. Lily and Emma go sit in the shade where Molly is watching Harry play with one year old Ron. James and I go find Remus and we begin talking about Order stuff again. It seems funny to me that only twelve years ago we were in school. Often I stop and think about where the time went, and how we can make it slow down.

"Sirius, I asked you a question, are you listening?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, what was that?" I reply to Remus. He smiled weakly and then begins his question again. There had been talk about a prophecy concerning Harry's birth, and The Order is afraid that the twins will be under attack. Major planning has gone in to try and protect James and Lily and little Harry.

"Do you want to be the Secret Keeper when we place the Fidelius Charm on the house?" James restates for Remus. I think about it. If I become secret Keeper, that means endangering Emma and the boys. Besides, I'm the obvious choice. If we pick someone other than me, Lily and James might have a chance. This way we keep both the Potter siblings safe.

"I don't think that's a very good idea Remus, if we pick Sirius then the Dark Lord will go for him first. Who knows, he might find the Secret Keeper of _their_ house and torture them into revealing. I suggest we pick someone who he would not guess."

"And who exactly would this person be Peter?" James replied chewing thoughtfully on the end of his new quill. We were hunched over the piece of parchment I had drawn up earlier, mapping out everything I could think of. I had the names of Death Eaters caught, those still out there, and those who were dead. I also had names of locations stuck, and the names of the muggles killed.

"Why not Peter be the Secret Keeper? We'll tell everyone it's me, and let info leak out. He'll go after me, but I won't really be the right person," I chimed in. Remus seemed to like the fact, but James wasn't convinced. He was still concerned for his sister's protection.

"James, you've trusted me this far with protecting her life, can you trust me a little more? I promise you nothing will touch Emma or the boys," I told my best looking him in the eye. He nodded and reached over the table and shook my hand. I think back to the days of school where the worries of Voldemort were simpler and death wasn't as high of an occurrence. Emma often went out onto the field to heal Aurors wounded in battle. I'm just glad she's never had to go out to heal me or her brother.

"Has anyone heard anything of Lucius? Last I heard he had killed a large muggle family in a raid then just vanished."

"Well, the word is that he's staying at home for a bit. A few months back your cousin gave birth to a boy, and Lucius is training the infant to be a cold blooded killer, just like him," James replied, spitting on the ground with disgust. I didn't like the sounds of that. We ended up talking until the moon rose and Emma told me that we had two very grumpy boys to put into bed. We bid our farewells and Emma promised Lily that they would keep in touch.

"We've made a plan to protect Lily and James," I tell Emma as we crawl into bed after the boys fell asleep. She waits for an answer, her head resting gently in her hand. I tell her the plan and she seems fairly pleased with it. She's not happy that her brother's life lies in the hand of Peter, but she says it makes the most sense. We couldn't use her parents, they had passed a way a few years after Jediah was born, and our family was a dead give away. Molly and Arthur were already Secret Keepers, and Hagrid would be to far away to help much. Dumbledore refused the position saying that he also was an obvious choice. That left Peter as the only one that wasn't too apparent.

"Well, as long as they stay safe, I guess I'm okay with it. Just don't get your self killed by proclaiming you're the Secret Keeper when you are really not," Emma said before falling asleep. That day reminded forever in my head, even as the months and the weeks wore on. After a long day at work, doing some over time I came home to a sight I never wanted to see. The house was dark and cold, and Emma was sitting on next to the boys and Albus Dumbledore. Emma is crying, along with the boys. A small tear glistens in the corner of the great Headmaster's eye. I rush to my wife, and begin to comfort her.

"Emma, honey, what's wrong?"

"That monster Peter sold them to him. He sold my brother to him! Because of that scum, James and Lily are…are…" Emma can't seem to get the words out. She chokes up, and falls to the floor into my arms. Her body shakes and trembles as she cries. I look up at my friend and former Headmaster for the answer.

"What did he do?"

"Peter Pettigrew betrayed Lily and James to Lord Voldemort, allowing him to slaughter them like pigs."

"What about Harry? Is Harry okay?" I asked stroking Emma's hair. She's quieted down a bit, but tears are still running down her face. I'm still in shock. I can't believe that my best friend is really gone. Soon Jediah joins his mother on the floor in my arms. Israel lies down on the couch, gently sobbing. This is too much for a twelve year old and an eight year old to bear. After Dumbledore explains to them that Harry is okay I send them to bed, telling them that they may sleep in our bed tonight.

"Hagrid came by and got your bike so that he could take Harry to the Dursley's."

"No! We can raise Harry here, in a good wizarding home!" I yell in protest. Emma let's out a muffled wail. I hug her close, rocking her back in forth. _This isn't happening this just isn't happening. I saw James when he left work at five. This isn't happening._

"No Sirius, your family is in enough danger already. We don't know if Voldemort is dead, but if he isn't and he find out that you've got Harry with you….the results will be the same as tonight's. I'm relocating you near St. Mungo's so that Emma my continue working. You'll also be closer to the ministry. Your Secret Keeper will now be Remus, so that Molly doesn't have to worry as much. Everything is going to be okay," Albus tells us. He helps Emma to her feet and gives her a hug. Then he turns to me and shakes my hand. Emma wipes at her tear stained face, and pulls her sweater closer around her. Again Dumbledore addresses us trying to show his sympathies. Nothing can really be said at this time though and he smiles and leaves.

"Everything is going to be okay."

Somehow I just don't believe him. 


	22. Chapter 22

Dead on the Inside

Dead on the Inside

Chapter Twenty Two: Epilogue

Slowly Ginny and I make our way through the fields of headstones, the only noise besides our feet on the dewy grass are the crickets chirping. It's been about two years after the war and I've found myself so busy I almost didn't have time to visit my parent's grave. Ginny squeezes my hand tightly in hers as we near the headstones. I stop when I hear a noise. Pushing Ginny behind me I stop and gaze at the familiar figure kneeling by the Potter's grave and the Lupin's grave. Ginny gives me a quizzical look and I shrug. Silently we listen.

"I'm sorry I've haven't been to see you recently, with Jediah's wedding so near, I've been on my toes for the past two weeks. I don't know how he found time to come out here, but he did. So did Izzy, or so he told me," That voice, it seems to haunt me as I listen. The woman pauses and takes a deep breath as if trying hard not to cry. Ginny and I press closer, trying to glimpse her face. She has the hood of her cloak pulled up and I can't see much in the dark.

"After school I thought we made a promise to one and other that we'd always be there. Now the only people left to be there are Molly and Arthur. I guess we shouldn't make promises we can't keep," She whispers now, strain in her voice. Just the sound of it chokes me up a bit. There's a bit of a pause and we watch as one by one she lays a small bouquet of flowers on the grave. Now there's even a grave for my Godfather Sirius Black, even though his body wasn't found.

"James, remember what I told you, take good care of my husband for me, okay? I love you, Lily, James, Tonks, Remus, and my dear Sirius," She said getting to her feet. I stepped out from behind the large head stone where I was hiding and stopped her. When I called out she didn't slowly spin or try to run away. Instead she embraced me, like I was her long last son.

"I'm sorry, but do I know you?" I asked as she let go of me. Ginny rushed to my side, hoping nothing would happen to me. I took Ginny's hand tight in mine, keeping her linked to me. The woman nodded slowly, and led us to a near bench to talk. There she introduced herself.

"You wouldn't remember me; it was far too long ago…" She paused. "You see Harry, I'm your aunt." I chuckled and shook my head. The Dursley's were my only living relatives so this woman could not be my aunt. Yet…she looked some much like my father, with those blue eyes and untidy black hair. Like James Potter she had high pronounced cheek bones and a slightly oval face shape. Even just the presence I was getting from her was like what I had felt of my father.

"My name is Emma Black, formerly known as Emma Potter, and your father was my younger twin brother. When he and Lily, my best friend, were murdered Sirius and I wanted to take you in so badly, but we faced the same fate as your parents. I know it's hard to take Harry, and I'm sorry," Emma explained hastily. I knew that there was more she had to say, she just didn't know how to get it all out. I couldn't place this new feeling that had crept up inside me. It was like I was going to cry, but that got strangled half way up and was stuck with the aftermath. There was also that feeling, of knowing. That feeling like I had known her all of this time, like I had spent Sundays over at her house and played in her backyard with her kids. All this time, she existed knowing that I would have to find her for the truth to come out. I let go of Ginny's hand and placed both of mine over hers. She smiled and a small tear fell from her eye.

"I'm sorry," She whispered and wiped it away as fast as she could. I nodded to indicate that it was okay. She smiled and got up, wandering over to the ruined house of my parents. She leaned on the fence, staring at it, rebuilding it and all the memories it held. Suddenly a thought came to my head.

"He's okay you know, Sirius I mean. He, my mother and my father, they all came to me that night I defeated Lord Voldemort. From the little you've told me, I'm sure he loved you very much," I told her. This made that sad smile crawl to her face. I gave her a brief moment to herself and talked to Ginny. She was as shocked as I was. I went back to my long lost Aunt Emma and put a hand on her shoulder.

"It's time you heard everything about your parents and your Godfather."

"It's time I got to listen," I replied. The three of us then went to the Weasley's house to reflect once more on the past.

**Author's Note: I'm very sad to say this is the last chapter of Dead on the Inside. It was a great journey and thank you very much for reading. **


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